<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions by FroyoBoyo</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25230748">Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FroyoBoyo/pseuds/FroyoBoyo'>FroyoBoyo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age: Inquisition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Solas (Dragon Age), Canon Compliant, Inquisitor &amp; Dorian Pavus Friendship, M/M, Minor The Iron Bull/Trevelyan (Dragon Age), Pining Solas (Dragon Age), Rating May Change, Slow Burn, Solas is Fen'Harel (Dragon Age), Trevelyan has a beautiful beard, kind of, very minor though</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:48:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,255</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25230748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FroyoBoyo/pseuds/FroyoBoyo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Carwyn Trevelyan doesn't know why he's trusted with anything. World-changing organisations? A bow and arrow? Not developing feelings for an apostate elf that seems to vaguely dislike him at all times? He is really in for it now.</p><p>Or the one where the inquisitor is a mess and Solas is secretly just as bad.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Inquisitor/Solas (Dragon Age), Male Inquisitor/Solas (Dragon Age), Solas/Male Trevelyan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Nobody asked for this and I doubt anyone will read it, since the more popular ship is Female Lavellan with Solas, but in my heart, my OC Carwyn needed to get some Solas and I'm writing it, dammit.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carwyn didn't know what he was truly getting himself into when he first reluctantly shook Cassandra's hand. He wasn't even entirely confident the plan would get off the ground. It was foolish of him to ever doubt her, he should have known as he caught that glint in her eye that he was in trouble. She meant to restore order and Maker help her it would be so. He just didn't anticipate it would lead him to this very moment, face to face with a bald apostate elf who had a stern enough glower to rival a chantry sister. Now really, what had he done to deserve such a look? He had only wanted to properly introduce himself to people he would be stuck with for the foreseeable future. Varric was much friendlier at his approach. But Solas had watched him get closer and closer, and as Carwyn came to a stop in front of him, refused to say a word for almost ten seconds. It was quite possibly the strangest ten seconds of Carwyn's life.</p><p>"The Herald of Andraste, a blessed hero to save us all." Solas finally said after a rather awkward moment of mutual uncomfortable staring. Carwyn narrowed his eyes. Was this man serious? He couldn't be. Maybe it was a joke? He decided to fall back on what he knew best; snark.</p><p>"Am I riding in on a shining steed?" The slightest upturn of Solas' mouth was his reward. Carwyn internally congratulated himself. He had cracked the egg. Well, it was a start.</p><p>"I would have suggested a Griffon, but sadly they're extinct. Joke as you will, posturing is necessary." So he <em>can </em>make a joke, this was good to know. Carwyn could suffer fools but he couldn't suffer a bore. Before he could give it more thought, the conversation had moved on. As Solas spoke of the fade, the worrying feeling that he was completely out of his depth began to creep upon him. How was he supposed to appear in any way intelligent around this person? Carwyn was nifty with a bow and had a sharp wit, but academic study was never his strong suit.</p><p>"Every great war has its heroes. I'm just curious what kind you'll be." Solas finished with a tilt of his head, and Carwyn was struck with the sudden notion that he could see right through him. Like his very being was laid bare for Solas to assess and analyse. It set his teeth on edge. It made him flippant in his response.</p><p>"Hopefully the kind who lives to become that embarrassing former hero everyone has to put up with."</p><p>"I can think of worse fates." There is a considerable pause, and Carwyn can't get a proper read on Solas' face as he regards him.</p><p>"I will stay then, at least until the breach has been closed."</p><p>"Was that in doubt?" Carwyn asked, just on the verge of sarcasm. As Solas' lips pursed he wondered just how far he could push him. There was a controlled calmness about the elf, but it was very strictly controlled indeed. Something told Carwyn that there was more to see. If only he could peak through.</p><p>"I am an apostate surrounded by chantry forces in the middle of a mage rebellion." He had Carwyn there.</p><p>"Cassandra has been accommodating, but you understand my caution." Solas continued with the quiet confidence that was now seeming to become his staple, in Carwyn's eyes. But now he felt the need to defend Cassandra's honour, as ridiculous as the thought may be. She had been the first person to publicly vouch for his innocence and he had not forgotten.</p><p>"Cassandra trusts you. She won't let anyone put you in a circle against your will." Carwyn said firmly. He realised quickly with slight embarrassment that the passion in which he told Solas this proved he may not just be saying this to defend Cassandra. Solas is gracious enough not to mention it if he even noticed at all. </p><p>"Thank you. I appreciate the thought." Carwyn took worrying note of Solas' mouth once again, feeling a warm pang of satisfaction when the faint line of a smile was found there. He wondered if he could ever get him to smile as he did in the valley when Carwyn had stupidly asked if Varric was with the chantry. That was a lovely smile. Abruptly halting that dangerous thought, Carwyn bit the inside of his cheek and re-focused on the man in front of him.</p><p>"For now, let us hope either the mages or the templars have the power to seal the breach." Solas said, and Carwyn had no qualms guessing which group was preferred in this case. Unless Solas had developed a sudden love for self-righteous lyrium knights in the few minutes they had been talking. But then Solas was turning around, his back now to Carwyn. </p><p>"Hey, whoa-" Carwyn quickly interjected before his brain could stop him. Who just leaves a conversation without announcing it? He hadn't finished speaking to him! He didn't know why this irritated him as much as it did. Solas slowly turned back on his heel, one eyebrow raised. That was a very good look on him. Carwyn cursed himself. </p><p>"Leaving so soon? I thought we were getting along so well." He said with the cheekiest grin he could muster. He felt like an over-eager puppy that wanted more attention. He had only properly met Solas a few days ago!</p><p>"I assumed you had heard all you needed to know," Solas said plainly, making Carwyn's face warm. It was true. There was no reason for this conversation to keep going. He cleared his throat in an attempt to hide his uncertainty. </p><p>"Well, I had hoped I could get to know you more."</p><p>"Why?" The sheer bluntness of the question made Carwyn blink in momentary shock. Had anyone ever asked that before? Who does that? </p><p>"I was just, well, I suppose what I mean is..." Carwyn stumbled through his words as Solas merely continued to stare at him impassively. How was he meant to go about this when he was talking to the weirdest elf in Thedas?</p><p>"I've been sort of thrown into this and I have no idea what I'm doing, okay? I thought it would be nice to learn some things about the people that are helping me. I've done the same with everyone else." That last part wasn't strictly true, he had only spoken to Varric at length about anything other than the inquisition. But now he's said it, he'll have to make the rounds. </p><p>He waited uneasily for Solas' response and fought the urge to tap his foot in his impatience. The elf considered him carefully and appeared to come to a decision.</p><p>"Forgive my poor manners, what would you know of me?"</p><p> </p><p>After that first conversation, Carwyn can't seem to get enough. Which was strange since he had never given the fade a second thought before meeting Solas. But now? He asks questions left and right just to watch Solas preen and look at him in approval. If any of his friends back home could see him now, they wouldn't believe it. Carwyn Trevelyan voluntarily wanting to learn? Perish the thought. It was also something of a reprieve from everything else going on in his life. Listening to Solas talk made him feel syrupy and slow, his voice like honey. That voice had no right to be as enticing as it was.</p><p>Carwyn should have known what this meant a lot earlier on.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Arachnophobes beware for this chapter, giant spiders abound.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Somehow along the way, Carwyn had managed to gather somewhat of a following. He wasn't sure how he managed this, they just seemed to throw themselves at him. But this also meant that on his missions out into the wide world he had to choose between who he wanted to bring. Too many cooks spoil the broth, as his mother used to tell him. As if she had ever cooked anything in her entire life. He found himself deliberately trying to avoid taking Solas along on too many outings, in case it appeared suspicious or too much. It also allowed him to get to know the other members of his little group. They all had their special dash of insanity. </p><p>Today was a day where he <em>had</em> to bring Solas along as the local Elven artefact expert. Sera and Blackwall were the only two others who were around at the time Carwyn was leaving Haven, and so the four of them set out to the Hinterlands. Not his first choice for a trio, he was certain it was a disastrous combination. One elf who was fiercely proud of their history and another elf who couldn't give two shits. And Blackwall.</p><p>"Why are there so many fucking trees in this place?" Sera whined for the fifth time that afternoon. Carwyn rolled his eyes good-naturedly but one glance at Solas told him he was less than amused. He looked utterly miserable. Sera had that effect on some. </p><p>"We're on the hunt for an elven artefact, dear Sera," Carwyn said with an exaggerated enthusiasm that made her giggle. Blackwall swore loudly from the back of the group as he tripped over a loose rock on the ground. Solas sighed. He turned his withering stare from Blackwall to Carwyn.</p><p>"Yes, now that you've mentioned it, I believe I sense the artefact is close. I suggest we-"</p><p>"Close? How close?" Sera demanded.</p><p>"Close," Solas ground out through his teeth. Sera groaned obnoxiously but didn't speak. Carwyn let the moment pass before he couldn't resist.</p><p>"But really, how close?" Solas looked as though he might strike him. He shoved his hand outwards and Carwyn nearly took a step back, but he was only pointing behind him. Carwyn's heart sank slowly as he took in the small cave tucked into the side of the nearby cliff. Caves meant there could be spiders. Nobody had witnessed his intense fear of spiders just yet, and he didn't want today to be that day.</p><p>"In there?" Carwyn cringed as his voice broke and he heard Sera snort beside him. Solas raised an eyebrow at him.</p><p>"Yes. Is there a problem?" </p><p>"Not at all," Carwyn said with false bravado. He knew this was foolish and it would be easier and more helpful to come clean to the others, but he would rather be eaten by the spiders.</p><p>"We venture forth!" Carwyn said with a wide grin, ignoring Solas' stare. He strode forward with determination, his heart was pumping rapidly in his chest and he felt as though it may burst clean through. There may not even be spiders in this particular cave. Some caves are empty, right? Coming to a halt outside the mouth of the cave, Carwyn picked up a sturdy enough stick and tied a piece of spare cloth around the top. He held it out to Solas without looking his way. His eyes were too busy searching the blackness before him. Nothing he could see. The sudden flicker of light from the corner of his eye diverted his attention long enough to see that Solas had lit his stick to create a torch, as he had wanted. He offered a smile that more resembled a grimace and saw Solas frown.</p><p>"Are you quite sure-" Carwyn cut him off before he got the chance to make him think twice. </p><p>"To the cave!" </p><p>The fire of the torch was the only thing illuminating the space in soft yellow light. Carwyn was overwhelmed with the unpleasant damp odour and the utter silence. He wanted to leave but knew it wasn't an option. Not until he found that artefact Solas wanted. He wouldn't look weak in front of his companions. </p><p>"Woah, this place is even deeper than I thought." Sera piped up unhelpfully. Carwyn heard Blackwall grunt in what he assumed was agreement. Deeper than they thought indeed. The cave expanded impossibly as if taunting him. Where was this stupid thing? Carwyn was getting irritable in his fear.</p><p>"Fucking caves..." He muttered to himself viciously. That was when he saw it. A giant spider. It hadn't seen them yet, and Carwyn held the torch out for Blackwall to take. With a shaky breath, he lowered to one knee and carefully readied his bow. As he lined up the shot, he heard the unmistakable sound of too manly legs scurrying on the cave floor. But the spider in front of him still hadn't seen him yet which meant...</p><p>He whipped his head round to his left and came face to face with massive pincers, seemingly infinite eyes, and hairy legs. In the pure shock of the moment, he let out a scream that he would deny to his dying day. Everything was pure chaos after that. Carwyn scrambled backwards on all fours, yelling hysterically all the while as the spider pursued him at a rapid pace. His mind was blank in complete terror, the only sound was the incessant ringing in his ears. His back hit the wall and his hand came into contact with something sticky and soft. He looked down and nearly blacked out then and there. He had crushed a sac of spider eggs under his hand, and hundreds of tiny insects were now on top of him, racing out in all different directions.</p><p>He was vaguely aware of the giant spider in front of him curling in on itself, collapsing. Nothing was helping him now, he was in an utter panic. Without so much as a backward glance to check on the others, he ran straight out of the cave into the woods. As soon as he made it outside, he began frantically ripping his clothing from his body.</p><p>"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh no, shit," His voice shook as much as his hands as he tore away his undershirt. He kicked his coat away from him and fell to his hands and knees to try and calm his erratic breathing. It wasn't working. He heard shouting in the distance, it sounded miles away. Solas materialised almost out of nowhere to kneel before him. His brow was pinched in visible worry. He saw Sera and Blackwall hovering behind him wearing twin expressions of anxiety. </p><p>"Carwyn? Carwyn!" Solas grabbed both of his shoulders, grounding him in the moment.</p><p>"Are they on me? They're all over me!" Carwyn gasped out in between ragged breaths. Solas hushed him softly and placed a cold hand on his jaw.</p><p>"There is nothing there, Carwyn. I promise you." The hand on his jaw gently moved his head so that he was staring right into Solas' eyes. Carwyn felt himself relax gradually, using those eyes as a lifeline. As he came back to his senses, the hot flush of humiliation overtook him.</p><p>"I'm sorry." He said to the grass beneath him. He knew his face was almost as red as his hair. </p><p>"We're just glad you're safe," Solas told him, and Carwyn glanced upwards to see him watching him hesitantly. Solas opened his mouth as if to say something more, but was interrupted by Sera.</p><p>"Now that you <em> are  </em>safe, can we talk about that scream?" She began to cackle and Blackwall hit her half-heartedly on the shoulder. </p><p>"Sera!" Solas snapped in reprimand, but that only made her laugh harder. In Carwyn's eyes, this was perfect. Humour was his best defence mechanism and he needed anything to make light of the embarrassing situation. He felt himself smile widely.</p><p>"I've been practising that one in the mirror, I'm just glad I got to perform for you all."</p><p>"And what a performance it was," Blackwall said with a chuckle. As Solas helped Carwyn stand, Sera screeched in a scarily accurate impression that had Blackwall throwing his head back in laughter. Solas huffed to himself but Carwyn could see the slight upturn of his lips as he walked away to retrieve the discarded clothes on the woodland floor.</p><p>As Carwyn took the clothes handed to him and met Solas' warm eyes, he decided that showing weakness wasn't entirely awful.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Solas made both Sera and Blackwall promise that they wouldn't mention the cave incident to anyone else. While secretly very pleased that he seemed to remotely care, Carwyn was certain Solas must know that could never work. Sera let everyone and their mother know almost within five minutes of them returning to Haven. It almost put Josephine into cardiac arrest. She had even summoned a war council meeting about the matter, forcing Sera to attend. </p><p>"We cannot allow the herald to appear so..." She trailed off with a hesitant glance around the room.</p><p>"Pathetic?" Carwyn offered helpfully. Josephine's eyes widened comically and Leliana did not attempt to hide her smile.</p><p>"Oh goodness! That was not what I-"</p><p>"We all know what you meant." Sera cackled from her perch on the table. Cullen's eye twitched visibly as she knocked over multiple strategy pieces in her excitement. Once she had calmed down, she hopped down with her hands placed theatrically on her hips.</p><p>"Look, here's how it is. From where I'm standing, this is good."</p><p>"Good? How can this possibly be good?" Cullen said with a scoff. Such a pretty face shouldn't frown so much, Carwyn thought idly. </p><p>"Have you heard what regular people have been saying? They're loving it. The big scary herald has a fear of his own. Makes him seem less above everyone else, yeah?" Sera sent Carwyn a quick wink and he grinned in return. </p><p>"I agree, of course, but did you have to bring it upon yourself to impersonate my scream so many times?" He knew he was whining, but he could barely look anyone in the eye without worrying they were picturing him getting cornered by a spider.</p><p>"How else was I supposed to paint a picture for people?" Sera asked the room at large and Carwyn sighed in defeat. Cassandra, who had been mysteriously silent throughout this ordeal, let out a noise of disgust from the corner. </p><p>"Alright, Sera. I will admit it is not the most terrible plan. But we mustn't make this a habit or else nobody will take us seriously." Josephine said very calmly. With a giggle, Sera raced from the room without so much as a 'goodbye'.</p><p>"Remind me why you agreed to let her join the inquisition?" Cullen turned his trademark reproachful stare on Carwyn.</p><p>"A bit of fun."</p><p>Surprisingly, Cullen instantly changed the subject. As his advisors sniped and argued about who they should get for aid in sealing the breach, Carwyn found himself having the feeling that it would be down to him. Because of course it would be. He hadn't told them that he had already made up his mind. It didn't take him much thought, either.</p><p>"I think we should go to Redcliffe, see what Fiona proposes." Carwyn piped up with confidence he didn't actually have. Four heads all turned to him in unison. </p><p>"You would seek out the mages? The templars would do just as well!" Cullen protested. </p><p>"You would rather we not get help from the magic people to seal the magic breach in the sky? What will the templars do? Throw swords at it?" Carwyn said with a chuckle and Cullen flushed deeply. Josephine gracefully hid her mouth with her hand. Carwyn knew it was a smile under there.</p><p>"I was a templar. I know what they're capable of." Cullen insisted. Carwyn decided to take pity, but before he could reply, Cassandra beat him to it. </p><p>"I will go with him to Redcliffe."</p><p>It took a lot of back and forth, but they were finally permitted to head out as soon as possible. Carwyn rounded up Vivienne and Varric alongside Cassandra, fighting the impulse to take Solas along. Not every mission needed Solas. He almost convinced himself that was true. He had that mantra in his head as things slowly fell apart. Venatori, time magic, and a flamboyant Tevinter man. As he took in the scene, the faint voice in the back of his mind smugly told him how Solas would know what to do. The Tevinter man, Dorian, was announcing how he wants to be there when Carwyn confronts Alexius the crazy cult man. It was easier to just go along with it. The whole way back to Haven both him and Varric had to deal with Cassandra and Vivienne ranting and hissing about how untrustworthy Dorian the not-magister was. In Carwyn's eyes, he was another man with extraordinary facial hair like himself, so Dorian was in his good books.</p><p>Back at Haven, after the briefing, Carwyn found himself making his way over to Iron Bull. He was the newest addition to their little crew and Carwyn hadn't had the chance to speak to him properly just yet. It didn't help that due to his immense height, Carwyn was talking to his nipples. A tad awkward. </p><p>"You should consider taking me out for a spin sometime soon, boss. Gotta show my assets to you somehow." Iron Bull said casually.</p><p>"Uh-what?!" Carwyn choked out in shock. Bull roared with laughter.</p><p>"Out in the field, boss. Don't worry, nothing untoward," He stopped for a moment, seeming to consider something. "Not unless you want to." He said finally after what seemed like some deliberation. Carwyn's face burned and he struggled to find words.</p><p>"I, uh, perhaps another time." He forced out. Iron Bull merely smiled at him.</p><p>"It's a shame that beard covers that pretty blush you've got going there."</p><p>"Yes, quite a shame..." Carwyn laughed nervously, his hand instinctively reaching up to scratch at the said beard. With a strained farewell, he made a hasty retreat. As he speed-walked back to the chantry, he went over the conversation carefully. He wouldn't lie and say he wasn't curious. He could use a little distraction. He blocked out the immediate face that came to his mind, cursing his treacherous feelings. He could not go there. Maybe Bull was a safe option. A thought for another time, he had too many things going on at the moment.</p><p>As if reading his thoughts, Cassandra appears by his side and informs him they were arranging yet another meeting to discuss Alexius and his little cult in the war room. Had he not just come from there?</p><p>It turned out Dorian had somehow managed to sneak into Haven. Almost as though he was summoned by the mere mention of their plan to accept Alexius' trap. So Carwyn was to be bait. Lovely. Since Dorian was coming along, there were only two other people he needed as his entourage to the castle. Considering how lost Carwyn was last time he was in Redcliffe, he swallowed his pride and invited Solas to accompany him. To avoid a trio of only mages, Carwyn also chose Blackwall for brute force if need be. He could have brought Iron Bull along but their previous chat was a bit too fresh. </p><p>Three hours later, and Carwyn was cursing up a storm at his immense shit luck. Cast through time? Red Lyrium everywhere you turned? A catty mage as his only companion? Well, that last one wasn't so much of a hardship. Dorian was the person keeping him sane. They wandered the illuminated dungeons for what felt like months. Carwyn was resolutely not thinking about what this future would have meant for everyone else. </p><p>If it weren't for Blackwall calling out to them from his tiny cell, Carwyn would have walked straight past him. Everything about him seemed the same except for his eyes. Surrounded by a swirling red mist, they were completely blank. It was as though there was no life behind those eyes at all. Carwyn couldn't bring himself to ask him about it, he knew it must be the red lyrium. Dorian was gentle when explaining their situation, and it was unnerving how passionate Blackwall could sound without any emotion in his eyes.</p><p>"Solas should be in the dungeons somewhere as well," Blackwall informed them as they made their way into the next corridor. Carwyn ignored the slight pang in his chest at the words. Solas was still alive then. Carwyn wasn't sure this was a good thing. Blackwall had neglected to mention the sheer size of Redcliffe castle's dungeons. They became restless after the third room full of cells. Where was that damned elf?</p><p>"Who is there?" Solas' clear voice rang through the empty space. It was admirable that he could sound so commanding in his current situation. Carwyn's feet seemed to move of their own violation. Solas wasn't even facing the cell door, but as he heard them approach, he spun around. He flinched violently at the sight of Carwyn.</p><p>"You're alive! We saw you die!" Solas said in astonishment. Carwyn barely heard him. Solas' eyes were the same as Blackwall's. Carwyn felt a wave of nausea overtake him and he struggled to speak. Dorian glanced at him in what seemed like understanding and spoke for him. </p><p>"The spell Alexius cast displaced us in time. We just got here, so to speak."</p><p>"Can you reverse the process? You could return and obviate the events of the last year. It may not be too late..." Solas looked between the two of them in earnest. But those eyes. Carwyn could not look away. </p><p>"I'm glad you understood what he just said because I'm not sure I did." Posturing was indeed necessary, especially at this moment. Carwyn had to remind himself to keep things light-hearted. Was it somewhat inappropriate? Definitely. But if he gave in to the gnawing feeling of despair he was currently experiencing, then where would they end up?</p><p>"You would think such understanding would stop me from making such terrible mistakes," Solas said quietly. The resigned sadness of the statement felt like a blow to the stomach. It was as Solas spoke of this 'Elder One', his face drawn tight, that Carwyn made a decision. He was going to destroy whatever this creature was. He would not take this world away from him. </p><p>"We can't do this without you," Carwyn said roughly. For a mere second, a flicker of emotion kindled within Solas' glassy eyes.</p><p>"If there is any hope, any way to save them... My life is yours," Those were not the words Carwyn wanted to hear anyone say to him. It left a bitter taste in his mouth. But he nodded anyway and lead the way out of the dungeons without looking back. </p><p>Finding Leliana was awful. Carwyn did not know what to say to make any of this better. He couldn't. Dorian kept up the quips and humour, but Carwyn felt it slowly drain from him. He was reserved and only spoke when directly spoken to. </p><p>They found Alexius at last. A broken man with a corpse for a son. He couldn't fault Leliana for killing Felix, not after everything she had suffered. He allowed her the killing blow for Alexius as well. </p><p>"You must go now!" Leliana ordered them once the fighting was done. The Elder One had found them, the distant rumble of the oncoming enemy echoed through the castle. Carwyn felt the reality of the situation dawn on him. Apart from him and Dorian, this was their <em> present.  </em>This was all they would now ever be. It wasn't as though they could come with them back into the past. He watched as Solas and Blackwall nodded to one another in a mutual choice.</p><p>"We will hold the outer door. When they get past us, it'll be your turn." Solas said in a rush. Carwyn bit the inside of his cheek so harshly that the taste of copper touched his tongue. It made complete sense. There was no hope for these three either way.</p><p>"We'll make this count." Carwyn hated the way his voice shook. He was sending them to their deaths. </p><p>"The only way we live is if this day never comes," Leliana reassured him, which was ridiculous since <em> she  </em>was the one who was about to die. Solas and Blackwall turn and head for the main door, followed closely by Leliana. Carwyn took a deep breath as the doors close behind them and Leliana readies herself in front. </p><p>Waiting for Dorian to cast the spell was agonising, and hearing the inhuman screeching and roars of the demons ahead did not help matters. A resounding crash ricocheted around the hall and Carwyn whipped his head around in time to see the large doors swing open. A body was flung carelessly onto the floor as if it weighed no more than a doll. It was Solas. Carwyn didn't realise he was moving until Dorian grasped onto his arm tightly. </p><p>"But he's-" Carwyn didn't recognise his own voice. </p><p>"I know. But it will be for nothing if you leave this spot." Dorian had one hand clutching onto Carwyn, the other continuing his spellwork. He couldn't see Blackwall, he didn't want to. Not another dead body on his conscience. He could only stare in resounding horror as Leliana made her final stand, Dorian's grip was verging on painful in his attempt to keep him in place.</p><p>A rush of vertigo and then they were back with Alexius in their time. Dorian had done it. Carwyn was barely in his right mind, everything happened so fast and he had no time to process it. He heard himself announce that they would ally with the mages as though it was someone else saying the words. A hand on his shoulder jolted him back and he saw Dorian beside him. </p><p>"Let's get you home." He told him softly. Carwyn could only nod in response. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It wasn't easy for the week or so after Redcliffe. Only Dorian truly understood what happened and he was taking it much better than Carwyn was. He hadn't known them at the time, so he could distance himself from any emotional links. Perhaps this was why it was Dorian that he would always make a bee-line for when his thoughts became overwhelming. The advisors were the only people who got the entire story out of necessity, but apart from them, Carwyn didn't want to repeat it. He hadn't sought out Solas since the day they returned to Haven. It was all in his head, he couldn't help it. Blackwall was no issue; after all, his body was out of his line of sight. Leliana was still a struggle to look in the eye. His companions had taken note of how he had withdrawn into himself, but they weren't pushing him into saying more than he wished.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I think you ought to speak to him, don't you?" Dorian's voice cut into the silence of the chantry hall. Carwyn spun around, startled out of his musings. Dorian was stood with his arms folded over his chest and an expectant eyebrow raised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Speak to who?" Carwyn tried to ask innocently. He didn't like that Dorian had been able to almost read his mind at any given moment.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, don't try that with me, dear. We both know who I'm talking about."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We do?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Talk to him. You'll feel better." Dorian told him firmly and Carwyn sighed in defeat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay, fine. I'll talk to him..." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good, get to it." Dorian shooed him away. Carwyn momentarily lost his nerve.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Perhaps it would be better if I talked to him after I-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Absolutely not! Don't make me drag you out of this chantry by your ear." Dorian warned him and Carwyn was certain he was not even bluffing. Like a chastised child, he shuffled outside with his head down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The truth was, he wasn't sure how he would react to talking to Solas face to face. Not after the countless evenings he was awoken sweating and shaking from his dreams. Red, soulless eyes, open and unseeing. A lifeless body tossed to the floor. It plagued him into sleepless nights. He knew avoiding the problem was not the most mature of coping mechanisms, but it was just how he was wired.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he approached Solas' usual spot, he fought the oncoming panic. He had to act like he was on top of things, just a temporary diversion. Maybe if he acted harried and busy then it would convince Solas he had limited time on his hands? The thought of lying to him didn't sit well. Carwyn held his breath as he turned the corner, revealing Solas staring up at the breach with his back to him. Okay, he could do this. He had the advantage of taking him by surprise. Taking measured steps through the snow, Carwyn prepared himself to speak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I was wondering when you might grace me with your presence," Solas said mildly, his back still turned. Carwyn froze mid-step. Was he serious? How did he know?! Solas seemed to sense his frustration and glanced behind him with a smirk that set Carwyn's nerves aflame.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You are not nearly as stealthy as you think. It is no wonder you have not been eaten by some stray creature on our journeys." As Carwyn felt his face heat in mortification, Solas fully turned to face him. Dorian was right, seeing him like this was already helping. Here he was, </span>
  <em>
    <span>alive. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'll keep that in mind." Carwyn managed after a moment. They stared at one another until Carwyn couldn't take it anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You died," He heard himself whisper, blunt nails digging into his palms. Solas, who had been a reasonable distance away, now crossed the rest of the gap to stand before him. They were the same height. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You were going to anyway. You died to help us escape. I saw your body." Carwyn forced out and looked away just so he didn't have to see the expression on Solas' face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"This upsets you?" Solas asked quietly. Carwyn whipped his head back around in a moment of aggravation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Of course it does-" He stopped himself from saying more, his mouth snapping closed at the look on Solas' face. His eyes held a startling intensity to them that almost made Carwyn recoil. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"My apologies. I did not wish to cause you distress." Solas said with alarming sincerity. Carwyn had never experienced this feeling before. It made him nervous.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's not as though you could help it. Technically it wasn't you." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Even so. Forgive me?" Solas put a hand on his shoulder and Carwyn could feel the heat of it through his shirt. He swallowed heavily and met Solas' eyes. Blue, not red. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Consider yourself forgiven," Carwyn said with what he hoped was a convincing smile. Solas' hand slowly withdrew, brushing down along Carwyn's arm and leaving his skin tingling. Desperate to seize control of the situation, Carwyn cleared his throat quickly and attempted to ignore the close proximity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So, mages..." He began to say, hoping Solas would take the bait and change the topic. Shaken out of whatever line of thought he was in, Solas took a hasty step backwards and Carwyn could breathe properly again. He didn't listen to the part of him that wanted to reach out in protest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Yes, we have gained a reliable ally. We should be able to seal the breach any day now." Solas' voice was slightly stiff and formal. Carwyn longed for the man he had just caught a brief glimpse of. Was that a strange anomaly? No, he had seen that same man before. Comforting him after his foolish reaction to the giant spiders. In any case, he was gone now. Fighting back bitter disappointment, Carwyn spoke more of the imminent assault on the breach and was proud of how normal he sounded. It was a very productive conversation and Carwyn hated it. He hated it even more when Cassandra interrupted them with the social etiquette of a charging bull. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Herald, we must speak with you at once." She gripped his shoulder, the same part that Solas had touched. He felt himself being physically dragged away and could only wave heartily as Solas drew further and further away. That was that, then. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"What's all this about?" Carwyn pressed as they stalked towards the war room. Cassandra vibrated with energy, wringing her hands together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We believe today is the day. We close the breach tonight." </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was a flurry of activity as they prepared for the assault. Carwyn tried to hide his internal panic. What if he couldn't do it? All of these people were relying on him to seal the breach. It would be just like him to fuck it all up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"It's time, Herald. We will meet with the mages down there. They are being led by Solas." Cassandra informed him with a worried frown. She fiddled with the pommel of her sword and out of instinct, Carwyn placed his hand over hers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We can do this." He promised her. He didn't quite believe it himself, but seeing the hesitant smile he received in return for his efforts was worth it. He wasn't sure he could bear to fail. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they walked through Haven, crowds of people watched in nervous anticipation. Taking a shaky breath, Carwyn carried on through without glancing back. They approached the breach at long last, and Carwyn took a small moment to marvel at the sheer size of it. Not intimidating at all. A quick glance around the walls revealed a small army of mages clutching their staffs with grim determination. At ground level was Solas, holding command as if it were his birth-right. Where had he learnt to do such a thing? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Good luck, Herald," Cassandra called to him as he made his way to the centre. Solas locked eyes with him and offered him a curt nod, his mouth set in a hard line. Such enthusiasm his followers had, Carwyn can't help but think derisively.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Focus on the Herald. Let his will draw from you." He heard Solas yell up to the walls surrounding them. Carwyn wasn't entirely sure what that meant, but so long as the mages understood, he supposed. The mark on his hand flared in a volatile reaction to the breach and he felt the pull towards it. Gritting his teeth against the peculiar sensation, he held his hand heavenward and hoped for the best. He closed his eyes against the harsh green light that surrounded him and tried not to cry out as his hand shook and convulsed. His whole body ached with the force of it. For a horrible second, he feared he would have to stop, or he would collapse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fuck!" He swore harshly and then he was blown back several feet in a white-hot wave. He made contact with the ground and groaned loudly on impact. He had managed to avoid any major injuries, but he felt the sharp sting on his forehead as it scraped against a stray rock. Fighting back the dizziness, he crawled to his knees and almost wept with relief. He had done it. The sky was already beginning to clear slightly and he felt a hand pat him on the arm dazedly. It was Cassandra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You did it." She said as she helped him to his feet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Piece of cake." Carwyn wheezed out, lifting a shaking hand to the cut on his forehead. It came away significantly bloodier than before. Cassandra chuckled lightly at his words. As she walked away to check on everyone else, Carwyn once again attempted to wipe at his wound and winced. A cool hand stopped him from trying another time and Solas was suddenly in front of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't touch it. Look what you've done to yourself." He tutted as he gently took Carwyn's face in his hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Solas. Next time I'll make sure not to knock my head when saving the world from a giant rift in the veil, hm?" Carwyn said and tried not to pout. Solas hushed him impatiently and rolled his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If you would hold still, please." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm not exactly running around here-oh." Carwyn sighed in contentment as Solas' magic seeped through his skin. It sizzled with power but it also soothed him, he felt as though he could float away right on this spot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"There we are," Solas said softly, his hands still framing Carwyn's face. As his eyes searched Solas' face greedily, Carwyn noted the freckles across his nose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Thanks." He murmured, heart thudding loudly in his ears. Solas breathed in sharply and his hands fell away. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Shall we return to Haven?" Cassandra's voice cut through the bubble they had formed around themselves and Carwyn plastered on a grin.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I think so! We have a celebration to enjoy!" As they made their way up the hill, he could still feel Solas' magic intertwined within him, a heavy brand. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The celebration was in full swing, everyone around joyfully drinking themselves into a stupor. Carwyn was not one of these people. He was drained of all energy from closing the breach and for once in his life, would rather be spending his time locked away in his room for a well-deserved nap. The easiness of it all unnerved him. Sure, at the time it didn't seem at all easy, quite taxing actually. But now? There was time to over-think and worry about </span>
  <em>
    <span>why </span>
  </em>
  <span>it was that simple. That couldn't be all of it. Where would he go now? Back to Ostwick? The thought was not nearly as pleasant as it should have been. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soft footsteps treaded behind him and his heartbeat quickened at the sound. A figure took the place beside him and a brief sideways glance revealed it to be Cassandra. Carwyn swallowed and tried to hide his disappointment, which was completely ridiculous. He and Solas had parted ways once returning to Haven and he had not encountered the other man since. It was silly of him to think Solas would seek him out. Why would he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Were you expecting someone else?" Cassandra asked him, staring out across to where the remains of the breach spiralled in the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No, why?" Carwyn ran his tongue along his teeth, hoping he appeared neutral.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Your eyes have gone very wide. Not quite unlike a lost pup."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You aren't even looking at me!" Carwyn said indignantly. Cassandra huffed out a quiet laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not now, but when I first walked up to you. Such an expression does not belong on the saviour of the breach." There was a long pause as they both looked outward. Carwyn shifted his weight on his feet, suddenly agitated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It doesn't feel right." He muttered, almost to himself. His hand scratched absently at his beard as the slow feeling of trepidation settled upon him. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>"</span>
  </em>
  <span>I think I know what you mean, I am on edge too. There are still lingering rifts, and many questions remain. But this was a victory." Cassandra told him with a small smile. Carwyn smiled half-heartedly back. In the far distance, tiny spots of light crested over the hill. They seemed never-ending. Carwyn leaned forward, squinting in confusion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What is-" He began to say but the sound of a horn being blown drowned out his sentence. Dread settled deep in the pit of his stomach as he took in the scene. An army was headed straight for them, each soldier holding a torch that cast the surrounding area in a surreal glow. He heard Cassandra draw her sword beside him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We must get to the gates," She broke off at a run, almost leaving Carwyn behind in her haste. Following at her heels, he frantically searched for any possible back-up. The unmistakable Qunari above the hysterical crowd instantly caught his attention.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Bull!" He yelled over the madness. Iron Bull jogged over, which was the same pace as a regular-sized person sprinting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm with you, boss." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Good. Anyone else we can grab to help that isn't already doing something?" Bull shook his head in response and Carwyn felt the first sign of true panic fogging his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nobody?" He knew he sounded desperate, but he had no clue what he was up against and a full team was best if they were to survive this. Bull could only shrug apologetically. Cassandra and Bull were better than he could hope for, a force to be reckoned with. They would have to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three of them had to fight through the large mass of people, all running in different directions. In the chaos, Carwyn collided heavily with another body and felt the air leave him. He clung onto the person, regaining his balance. He met their eyes and grinned manically. Just the elf he had wanted to bump into. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Solas! Come on!" Carwyn gripped his hand tightly and unceremoniously dragged him along.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not even an apology for nearly knocking me unconscious," Solas grumbled as they chased after the others to the front gates. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'll make it up to you later," Carwyn said absentmindedly, his mind elsewhere. They came to a stop and joined the circle that had formed in their delay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I will hold you to that," Solas said quietly as he released Carwyn's hand, their fingers brushing. If Carwyn hadn't been standing so close he wouldn't have heard it. He had the sneaking suspicion Solas hadn't wanted him to hear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's a massive force, the bulk over the mountain." Cullen's voice snapped him back to reality. Right, now was not the time to analyse Solas' every word. It probably meant nothing. Josephine stepped forward into Carwyn's line of sight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Under what banner?" She asked cautiously. Carwyn wondered if she was already planning a convoluted way to stop the fighting through firmly written notes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"None," Cullen told her, face grim. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"None?!" Josephine exclaimed in astonishment. The gates shuddered with a sudden force, causing them all to leap backwards. A harsh shield of light flashed through the doors and Carwyn was certain they were already done for. A frightened voice called out to them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I can't come in unless you open!" Without thinking, Carwyn surged forward. A huge man in bulking armour stood on the other side of the gates, and for an awful moment, Carwyn thought he had royally fucked up. To his immense relief, his saviour came to him in the form of a floppy hat and bulging eyes. The looming figure spoke;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm Cole. I came to warn you. To help. People are coming to hurt you. You probably already know." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What is this? What's going on?" Carwyn demanded. He regretted the harsh tone he took, but the situation was looking pretty dire. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The Templars come to kill you," Cole told them solemnly. He flinched backwards as Cullen started towards him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Templars? Is this the order's response to our talks with the mages? Attacking blindly?" Carwyn looked between the two of them and felt his chest tighten. He had no answer to give.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"The Red Templars went to the Elder One. You know him? He knows you. You took his mages." Cole extended his hand toward the hilltop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"There."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carwyn fought the urge to gape at the creature before them. What </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>that thing? An almost skeletal body, nauseating chunks of lyrium growing from its face...what a nightmare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, shit. How fucking tall is that thing?" Carwyn blurted out and heard Solas sigh loudly from behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't care how tall he is. Haven is no fortress. If we are to survive this monster, we must control the battle." Cullen said to the gathering of soldiers and villagers. Carwyn had the sudden desire to not be the so-called Herald right at this moment. Why couldn't Cullen take the fancy title? He seemed to know what he was doing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cullen rallied the men to arms and Carwyn found himself admiring the sheer leadership quality that he exuded. In comparison, Carwyn was nothing more than a confused pretender. He had never been in a battle before, he had barely trained with his bow and arrow in a military setting. What if he shot an ally? That would be typical of him. His team's task was simple; protect the trebuchets long enough for them to fire. So why was he suddenly second-guessing?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We must make haste," Solas said as he rounded to face Carwyn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, of course, sorry." Carwyn croaked out and resolutely ignored Solas' frown. Bull let out a roar as he carved into a nearby foot solider and the fight had truly commenced. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sight of the dragon almost made Carwyn want to flee then and there. But this dragon was different. It wasn't </span>
  <em>
    <span>right. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Its screech shook the ground as soldier and civilian alike raced for the chantry walls. Carwyn wasn't convinced one building could hold against a dragon, but there were no alternatives. Haven was dying. Cole had told him that it was Carwyn who this Elder One was truly after. Could he afford to hide away when people's lives were at stake? He didn't want to die. But it seemed to be their only chance of escape. Everyone would be safe if he did this. Yes. Safe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I will hold him off. Get the people through the passage." Carwyn said to the others, face set in shaky determination. He looked at all of his followers, his friends. He didn't know them well, not truly, but he had come to care for them. His eyes landed on Solas who was already stepping forward in protest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can't possibly-" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What other choice do we have?" Carwyn cut him off sharply and watched as Solas' grip on his staff tightened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are the Herald, we need your mark," Solas tried again. Carwyn scoffed at him. Of course. He didn't give a shit about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Carwyn. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was only the mark he wanted to spare. The thought stung at him and he attempted to regain his composure. There was no time for this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm the one he wants. If I'm out there it will stop him from targeting anyone else. You'll all have time to escape."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm coming with you," Solas said abruptly. Carwyn stared in disbelief. What was his goal here? To keep the mark from harm? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Solas, I'll make sure the mark isn't affected. Perhaps I'll ask the Elder One to chop my hand off for you?" Carwyn said derisively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That is not funny." Solas' face was stony as he stalked past him and he did not wait for the others to follow as he threw open the chantry doors. Carwyn cleared his throat hastily and turned back to face the group. Bull merely raised a brow and joined Solas at the other side of the doors. The gesture warmed at Carwyn, it was an unspoken moment of support. As Cassandra followed after, Carwyn let himself take a shuddering breath. They weren't leaving him just yet. He walked through the chantry doorway with slightly more confidence than he had entered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come on, we can do this. One last avalanche and we'll bury the fuckers." Carwyn cheered them all on as they headed to the trebuchet. Iron Bull howled in agreement, shaking a fist for emphasis. At least one of them was happy to die a glorious death.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, and bury ourselves with them." Cassandra pointed out unhelpfully. Carwyn let out a sound not quite dissimilar to a trodden mouse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We'll worry about that part when we get to it." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Turning a wheel that controlled a humongous trebuchet while his friends fought for their lives was possibly the most stressful experience of Carwyn's twenty six years of existence. He consistently checked on their progress and there were many times where he could barely see them due to the ridiculous amount of red templars. His muscles screamed in protest but he knew he couldn't stop, not if he didn't want to doom them all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At long last, the trebuchet flung the boulder through the sky and Carwyn watched anxiously as it crashed against the mountainside. A familiar screech echoed through the valley making Carwyn's blood freeze. The dragon was heading straight for them. Which meant the Elder One wasn't far behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Go! He's coming!" Carwyn yelled over the noise. Bull nodded at him in understanding and grasped his shoulder, nearly knocking him over. Cassandra said nothing, but her eyes glistened as she observed them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You don't need to face him alone." Solas grabbed his other shoulder, ripping him from Bull's grip. Carwyn couldn't look him in the eye. This needed to be quick.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We don't have time for arguing, Solas. He'll be on us soon. Let me do this." Carwyn placed his hand over Solas' own on his shoulder and squeezed. It was clear Solas wasn't going to let this go easily. Carwyn knew what he had to do. With renewed courage, he met Solas' eyes. The moment felt suspended in the time they didn't have. The distress on Solas' face almost made him falter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Carwyn-" He didn't let Solas finish, shoving him backwards roughly towards Cassandra and Bull, causing him to stumble in shock. He felt rather than saw the dragon land, and without a backward glance, he ran to what would most likely be his end. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Fingers stiff, parts of his beard crystalised in ice, and he could no longer feel his toes. Carwyn's day was only getting worse. After surviving the avalanche he had set upon himself and the enemy, he now had the future to think about. Something he did not anticipate. How was he ever going to find the people of Haven? He thought he would die, he hadn't planned this far. Now there was only him and a blizzard for company. As he trudged through the knee-deep snow, he allowed himself to go over the past events.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Elder One is a Tevinter magister named Corypheus. The mark on his hand is called the "anchor". They are very fucked. He was almost tempted to lay down right where he was and avoid having to tell the advisors all-together. A charming notion, but not one he could go through with. He vaguely realised that he was muttering all of these thoughts to himself. He was too cold to care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The path he was following continued over the hill, and he struggled to contain a cry of pure relief when he caught sight of a distant camp down below. It looked so far away. He felt his body sway unsteadily as his vision blurred. He collapsed to his knees in sheer exhaustion, and as his eyes slowly fell closed, he heard a distant voice;</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's him! Thank the Maker..." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He awoke on an uncomfortable stretcher, his entire body aching in protest when he shifted onto his side. As his senses rushed back, the sound of Cullen shouting from the campfire overwhelmed him. He winced and used one bruised elbow to carefully push himself up. Before he could properly take everything in, Dorian and Cassandra hurried over to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My dear, you simply had us worried to death. It was not good for my skin." Dorian fretted as he helped him into a comfortable sitting position. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Dorian, you mustn't phrase these things so they're about you," Cassandra chided him before turning to look at Carwyn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We are glad you are alive." She added almost as an afterthought. Carwyn tried to smile as best he could, but he was certain it could feature in a child's nightmare.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm just surprised I'm still here." He let out a strained laugh. In a moment of panic, his hand flew to his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How's my beard?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Much better than it was. I was considering using Cassandra's sword to shave it, but alas, we agreed it would not be the best idea." Dorian said. Carwyn stared at him in horror. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, don't look at me like that. What's important is that I </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn't </span>
  </em>
  <span>do it." Carwyn decided not to answer. Instead, he scanned the sad excuse for a base once more. The first thing he noticed was the number of people staring at him. It made him distinctly uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Why do they keep looking at me?" He asked quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was as though you returned from the dead. You have only sealed their faith that you are the herald. They believe in you." Cassandra told him reverently. Carwyn coughed in an attempt to hide his unease. A flash of green caught his eye, and his heart began to beat more rapidly in his chest. He held his hand out for Dorian to hoist him to his feet. Shaking his head to try and ease the dizziness, Carwyn began to move. Dorian's hand shot out across his chest, halting him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I would wait for a little while before taking a wander," Dorian said hesitantly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What do you mean?" Carwyn narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Dorian opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Solas coming to stand before them, posture impossibly stiff.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A word?" He asked curtly and spun around on his heel. Carwyn watched him go with a growing feeling of anxiety. Dorian smiled in sympathy and patted him on the back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I tried to warn you." He said as his parting words, leaving Carwyn to trail after Solas. This could be perfectly fine, sometimes Solas appeared more annoyed than he actually was. Carwyn was rather looking forward to their reunion, it was his chance to let him know he was alive and well. Yes, this was completely fine. Solas led him to the edge of a nearby cliff, out of view from the camp. Carwyn stayed quiet as Solas lit the torch in blue flame, the fire making him appear almost other-worldly. The silence between them stretched on. Solas' face was void of emotion. At last, Carwyn tried to break the strange tension.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"So, what-" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think it would be best if I spoke this time." Solas cut in, jaw clenched. Carwyn's mouth snapped closed instantly. Uh oh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm not quite sure what possessed you to do what you did, it doesn't matter anymore. What </span>
  <em>
    <span>does </span>
  </em>
  <span>matter is that you put yourself needlessly in danger. You were offered help and yet you refused. Do you truly care so little for your own life that you would throw it away on a whim?" Solas began to pace back and forth as he spoke, and Carwyn felt the first spark of anger ignite inside of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I was trying to make time for people to escape. What else would you have had me do?" He snapped. Solas stopped pacing, his hands curling into fists</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I would have had you accept my help." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How much help would you have been against </span>
  <em>
    <span>him?</span>
  </em>
  <span>"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm more experienced than you when it comes to unfamiliar magic," Solas said through clenched teeth. Carwyn let out a laugh, it came out bitter and sharp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, so </span>
  <em>
    <span>that's </span>
  </em>
  <span>what this is about. Your pride. Someone didn't want your help, and doesn't that just sting?" Carwyn spat out. This was getting out of hand, he didn't know why this was happening. All he knew was that he was saying things he may regret.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My pride? That is very interesting coming from the man who would rather face the unknown oppose to accepting a friend's help." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is that what you are? My friend?" Carwyn asked bitterly. Solas glanced away from him, and his throat grew tight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I would have thought so," Solas said softly after a long pause. Carwyn took a cautious step towards the other man.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You are. I'm sorry. You have been a dear friend to me, I shouldn't take my anger out on you." Carwyn developed a sudden interest in the frosted leaves by his feet. A hand gently tilted his chin so that their eyes met. Solas visibly swallowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I apologise as well. I misjudged my emotional attachment." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What does that even mean?" Carwyn said with a furrowed brow, causing Solas to laugh quietly and withdraw his hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Do not worry yourself. I did also bring you here for another reason. Other than to shout at you." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"And what's that reason?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This orb that Corypheus spoke of."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Carwyn listened as tentatively as he could as Solas explained the origins of the orb. He didn't want to appear as though he didn't care, not for a moment. The strain of their argument still sizzled in the air around them, apologies spoken or not. It made him uneasy, so unused to a person actively worrying about his safety. If he was being honest, he was still certain it was due to the anchor. But sometimes the way Solas looked at him...well, it wouldn't do to dwell on it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their journey to the mysterious castle known as "Skyhold" was arduous. Carwyn had done enough walking through thick snow to last him a lifetime. If it wasn't him complaining, it was Dorian or Sera, or sometimes even Josephine. A trail of whining and soggy shoes. Solas announced that he wanted Carwyn to lead the pack, but Carwyn didn't know where they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>going. </span>
  </em>
  <span>So, Solas walked by his side the entire way and it was difficult not to feel a little giddy. He was sure that Solas did not feel the same after Carwyn's fourth question about the local wildlife.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Solas made it up the hill before him, and he turned back as though waiting to see his reaction. Panting from over-exertion, Carwyn joined Solas at the top and almost toppled over at the sight in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Skyhold," Solas told him quietly, appearing as though he was studying Carwyn's every move with a tilt of his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's incredible." Carwyn breathed out, taking a step forward in excitement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes," He heard Solas murmur from behind him, "incredible."</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's peculiar how a tragedy can reap so many benefits. Who would have guessed that the burning of Haven would give them Skyhold in all of its glory? Certainly not Carwyn. He couldn't even predict what he would have for breakfast. While Corypheus did hit them hard, Carwyn couldn't help but think they ended up better for it. He would never let Vivienne hear him say that.</p><p>Two weeks had passed since they arrived at Skyhold, and Carwyn was still waiting on Varric's mysterious contact. A long journey, it would seem. Not to mention the looming invitation to the winter palace. If he was being honest, Carwyn would rather feed himself to Leliana's ravens. He may have grown up as a noble, but that was in the Free Marches. This was <em>Orlais</em>. Who was he supposed to bring? Most of his friends would prove to be a complete disaster. It was very tempting to pick the most problematic of the bunch. As he pondered this, Carwyn made his way to Solas' tapestry room. The two of them had spoken at length about all things Corypheus and Elven. There wasn't much more to talk about, but Carwyn felt a surreal pull towards Solas and it was much stronger than usual. The air around him felt invasive and compressed. Perhaps he had some sort of head injury? He could have done some damage after falling over at the Fallow Mire the other day. Scratching at his beard absentmindedly, Carwyn entered the rotunda. Solas was sat half perched on his desk, a thick book in one hand and brow furrowed in stern concentration.</p><p>"Learning some new spells? I'm still hoping you can crack that pig transformation one I suggested." Carwyn said in way of greeting. Solas jolted violently and looked up in alarm.</p><p>"How are you here?" He asked in astonishment. Carwyn laughed nervously.</p><p>"Uh, I walked?" </p><p>"I gathered that," Solas said, rolling his eyes. And then; "you continue to surprise me."</p><p>"By walking?" Solas ignored this and gracefully straightened up from where he had been leaning against the desk. Having somehow caught Solas off-guard and almost vulnerable, something occurred to Carwyn. Something he wanted to fix.</p><p>"We don't know too many little things about one another." He said cautiously. Solas scrunched his face in confusion and Carwyn fought the urge to smile. The ability to read Solas' facial expressions with ease was new. It was weird.</p><p>"I mean, we've never sat down together and just talked? About anything we want. I don't even know your favourite colour." Carwyn tried to elaborate and ran a restless hand through his hair. For one brief moment, Solas smiled. Not his usual half-smirk, but a real close-lipped smile that made his eyes crinkle. Carwyn felt the breath leave him.</p><p>"I suppose it couldn't hurt. Do you have a blanket?" Solas asked as he brushed past Carwyn and began to lead the way out of the room.</p><p>"A blanket? Why?" </p><p>"I wish to sit outside and I refuse to do so without a blanket." Carwyn blinked in bewilderment before letting out a snort.</p><p>"As his royal highness commands." He said dramatically. Solas' glare was sharp enough to have Carwyn hurrying to his chambers to retrieve his comfiest blanket. He didn't want to waste this opportunity, especially seeing as it could be the only time it would happen. Before leaving the room, he took a few seconds to gather his nerves. This was Solas, there was no reason to be anxious. No reason at all. </p><p>Solas was waiting for him by the grand entrance of the hall, and Carwyn took a quick and shaky breath. </p><p>"One blanket, as per your request." He said with his most winning smile, bending the upper half of his body into a bow and looking upwards. Solas' eyes glinted as he took Carwyn in. He slowly grasped the blanket, tugging it towards him. Shifting uneasily, Carwyn attempted to lighten the situation.</p><p>"Might I stand properly now?" </p><p>"I don't know. You seem quite comfortable." Solas smirked. Carwyn's face flushed red and he stood to his full height and tried to hide how flustered he had become. Clearing his throat, he gestured for Solas to show the way.</p><p>"We're going to the garden," Solas told him as they walked through multiple doorways. Carwyn had barely set foot in Skyhold's garden, it was still going through some repairs from fallen debris. But as Solas laid out the blanket over a soft patch of grass, he couldn't deny the beauty surrounding them. He also couldn't deny the sheer lack of people around them. There was nobody to be seen.</p><p>"Where is everyone?" Carwyn questioned as he glanced around. It was very strange for the garden to be empty when it was almost midday. To his surprise, Solas laughed beside him. </p><p>"Perhaps it is everyone's day off." </p><p>"I don't think that's it, Solas." </p><p>"Let's not think on it so much. I doubt it's nefarious." Chuckling to himself once again, Solas shuffled so one leg was propped up and rested his arm on top. It was far too casual. What was going on? Was Carwyn dreaming?</p><p>"Green." Solas suddenly said. Carwyn turned to stare at him. </p><p>"What?"</p><p>"My favourite colour. It is green." A warm feeling spread inside of Carwyn and he grinned in pure delight.</p><p>"Oh really? Why?" Solas scoffed at him in response.</p><p>"Do I need a poetic and convoluted reason? Green is pleasant to look at." Solas grumbled. Carwyn groaned loudly, his head falling back between his shoulders.</p><p>"Yes, very pleasant, I know. But what shade?" Carwyn pressed and lifted his head again in expectation. Solas looked thoughtful, and he seemed to sneak a quick glance to Carwyn before answering. </p><p>"I suppose not quite unlike your eyes." Carwyn choked and saw that Solas had taken great interest in the sky above them. His favourite colour was Carwyn's <em>eyes?  </em>Wait no, he meant the most accurate shade was similar to his eyes. Despite this, Carwyn was overcome with a soft emotion he couldn't place.</p><p>"Blue is my favourite. All shades of blue, mind you. The ocean, the sky, your eyes, blueberries, that flower over there, my quill. All those types of things." Carwyn rambled, his hands gesturing theatrically. Solas gave him a small smile and abruptly stood, dusting himself off. Carwyn watched as Solas walked over to the flower that he had pointed to and plucked it delicately from the ground. </p><p>"Here," Solas said quietly and held the flower out for Carwyn to take. Stunned into silence, Carwyn stared dumbly at him. Solas knelt on the blanket next to him and carefully tucked the flower into Carwyn's hair.</p><p>"It looks rather nice with your red hair, don't you think?" Solas said as he settled back into position. Carwyn could only nod in agreement. This was way out of his depth. Was this really Solas? He seemed the same but different. Almost more comfortable, at ease. </p><p>"What's your favourite animal?" Carwyn blurted out. He felt foolish and wrong-footed. Was he five? What a silly question. </p><p>"A wolf," Solas said, voice impossibly quiet. He had a far-away look in his eye, and Carwyn wondered what put it there.</p><p>"I'm partial to nugs myself. Why do you like wolves?" The question seemed to irritate Solas.</p><p>"They are misunderstood animals. Nothing chills the bone more than a lone wolf's howl." Solas said, voice bitter. Carwyn swallowed thickly. He shifted slightly towards Solas, and gently nudged his shoulder with his own.</p><p>"And here I felt stupid for liking nugs because they're ugly," Carwyn said. Solas shook his head with a rueful smile and brought himself out of whatever dark place he was dwelling in. Their eyes met and the atmosphere around them seemed to thicken. Carwyn's mouth felt dry as the moment was drawn out long enough that it couldn't be so easily brushed off. What the fuck was happening? He felt acutely aware of how tightly his hand was clutching the blanket beneath him. Carwyn could even count the freckles on Solas' nose. Without warning, Solas exhaled harshly and leant back so that he was resting on his elbows. Carwyn could still feel how warm Solas' breath was against his face. </p><p>"Is this real?" Carwyn asked. Solas' lip twitched.</p><p>"It is the fade."</p><p>"I'm in the <em>fade?! </em>" Carwyn squawked and tried his best not to panic. It wasn't working. </p><p>"Yes. I am currently unaware of how you are even here in the first place. It is quite remarkable." </p><p>"Oh, lovely. So, I'm in some sort of dream-world?" A horrible thought struck him. "Did I make this up? Are you real?" Solas' eyes sparkled in mirth.</p><p>"It is the fade. This is all real." A startling rush of relief overtook Carwyn. He didn't want their time together to have been a figment of his crazed imagination. Solas sat up once more.</p><p>"A topic best discussed after you..." He leant in close. "Wake up."</p><p>Carwyn gasped loudly as he awoke in his bed. He struggled to get his breathing under control. He was just in the fade. With Solas. They had small talk. Something almost happened. But it didn't. He ripped the covers off of his body and rubbed his eyes in an attempt to clear his head. He flinched as something soft landed on his foot. He bent down to pick it up and felt himself smile. A blue flower.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Carwyn couldn't get downstairs to Solas fast enough after his time in the fade. Would Solas become closed-off, now that they were back in reality? It wasn't a very nice thought. Carwyn had felt they had bonded, surely that couldn't be thrown away so easily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He entered the rotunda once again, a lot more sure-footed now that he was no longer in a sort of dream-state. Carwyn didn't know what to call it, he wasn't very good with these type of things. Solas was bent down on his haunches, eyes squinting as he slowly dragged his paintbrush across the wall. Carwyn crossed his arms and leant against the desk, allowing himself to observe. Minutes passed that way, Solas painting and Carwyn watching. He let his eyes wander and immediately felt his face grow hot when they focused on the way Solas was bending over to reach the bucket of paint. He startled when a ball of parchment came falling from above and ducked to catch it. He carefully opened it, keeping an eye to see if Solas had noticed him yet. He was still engrossed in his work. Carwyn scanned the words and fought the urge to sink through the floor in humiliation. In an elegant scrawl;</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Naughty, naughty</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He glanced up to see Dorian waggling his finger at him from his perch on the library bannister. Face a furious red, Carwyn flashed him the rudest hand gesture he could think of. Dorian only laughed heartily and disappeared, presumably going to let Vivienne know all the details.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I haven't seen that particular insult for many years." Solas' voice echoed around the space. Carwyn turned his wide eyes to see that Solas was now standing at the other end of the desk, eyebrows raised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Uh, I didn't, I thought you were still-" Carwyn began to splutter and felt his feet take him backwards in an attempt to flee. Solas rounded the desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where are you going?" He asked with a tilt of his head. Carwyn halted and laughed. It sounded strained even to his own ears. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I wasn't going anywhere. See? Still here." He said and held his arms out to emphasise the point. Solas hummed in agreement, lifting his hand to his chin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Was there something you wished to discuss?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, um, yes. Last night. Wait, does it count as last night? It was the day time so..." Carwyn trailed off after seeing Solas' blank expression. So, it was business as usual, then. Carwyn ignored the sharp sting of the realisation and readied himself for the inevitable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sleep well?" Solas asked suddenly, voice low. Carwyn coughed deliberately, worried that Dorian might get the wrong idea if he was eavesdropping. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I woke up as soon as you banished me," Carwyn said with an exaggerated glare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That is how you see it? Banishing you from my mighty realm?" Solas asked, sarcasm dripping from every word. Carwyn couldn't stop the grin that formed on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was very impolite. But I suppose I can expect nothing less from an apostate hobo, such as yourself." Solas started towards him and Carwyn jumped to the side, laughing all the while.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"All bark and no bite, I see," Solas smirked at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Like you can talk, wolf boy." Carwyn let out a howl and Solas laughed in pure glee. Okay, so maybe he hadn't completely closed himself off. Carwyn had made him <em>laugh</em>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You're ridiculous," Solas said, rolling his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You love it." Carwyn winked before spinning on his heel, whistling the whole way to the war room. He felt as though he could walk on air. Who knew that getting along with someone could feel so good?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he arrived at the war room, Cullen informed him that at long last, Varric's contact had arrived at Skyhold and was waiting for him on the battlements. In Carwyn's opinion, he could have briefed him on the fact that Varric's contact was Hawke, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Champion of fucking Kirkwall. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Carwyn spent most of their conversation attempting to sound professional and on top of things when really he was screaming inside. Varric seemed to find his fumbling endlessly entertaining. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Crestwood was the worst place that they had visited so far, and that includes the Fallow Mire. Carwyn was constantly shivering, Vivienne was furious that her outfit was slowly being ruined, Varric kept almost getting swallowed up by puddles, and Solas had already announced he would not be coming here ever again. That was fine by Carwyn, he was also never setting foot on Crestwood soil after their job was done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Carwyn trudged through the mud-caked path, a streak of lightning shot from the sky with an ear-piercing crack, narrowly missing him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Who is there?!" Was the only thing he could think to yell through his panicked haze, leaping back into Solas, who wrapped an arm around him to stop him falling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was lightning," Solas shouted over the torrential rain, right into Carwyn's ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, I know. I have no idea why I said that..." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Shock, I gather." Solas still had his arm wrapped around Carwyn's middle, and despite the situation, it was very comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hold that pose, you two. I think I might have the cover for my next novel." Varric called over to them. Solas dropped his arm almost immediately, and it didn't hurt. No, not at all. It was only Varric teasing, Solas hates his teasing. Running a hand over his face in a quick attempt to steel his emotions, Carwyn didn't let it bother him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Come on, we can find some way to help these people and then hunt down Stroud."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A week later, Carwyn wished that they had never found Stroud. It only brought more Tevinter and more magic he didn't want to understand. What were the grey wardens </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing? </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was insane! Never in a million years would he have predicted that he would be at Adamant, pleading his case to the heroes of Fereldan. And yet, here he was. Growing up on stories of their valour and sacrifice, Carwyn did not truly want to kill these people. They were being used, moulded into a weapon for Corypheus. Clarel must see reason, blood was not the way. He was almost there, he could see her resolve start to crumble. But there was still Erimond to think about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"My master thought you might come here, Inquisitor! He sent me this to welcome you!" The Tevinter mage taunted him. He banged his staff thrice against the ground, and the familiar screech of Corypheus' dragon echoed through the fortress. Carwyn swore harshly as it came into view, black wings casting a deadly shadow as it landed. Sera whimpered from his left side and he fought against the instinct to shield her. He knew she would not appreciate being babied. To his right were Bull and Solas, both looking ready for whatever was thrown at them. How lovely that must feel. Carwyn was quite frankly, terrified. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Clarel was looking between Erimond and the dragon, face creased in worry. Carwyn knew at that moment that she had come back to herself. Erimond seemed to realise it too, but too late. Clarel lashed out against the dragon, ignoring Erimond's pleas and warnings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Help the Inquisitor!" She ordered the remaining grey wardens as she raced after a fleeing Erimond. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Ignore everything else, we have to catch up with Clarel," Carwyn told the group before breaking out into a run.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In hindsight, Carwyn should have just left Clarel to finish off Erimond and stayed to fight in the main battle. Because following Clarel was how he ended up face down on the ground in a swirling world of green and black. How was he here? And where was here? One second he was falling to his death, then he formed some sort of rift in mid-air and landed in the ugliest place in all of Thedas. He hissed in pain as he struggled to rise to his feet and raised a hand to his cheek. It came away sticky and red. This was not what Carwyn needed right now, he already had a scar on one cheek, he didn't need another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Where are we?" He heard Stroud ask, and Carwyn blinked in confusion at the sight of him. He was...sideways? How was that possible?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"How the fuck are you up there?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't know," Stroud said, looking troubled. Yes, Carwyn would be troubled as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"This is the fade," Solas said in awe, walking over to where Carwyn was stood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wait, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>actual</span>
  </em>
  <span> fade?" Carwyn tried to keep his voice calm. He knew it didn't work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yes, it is unlike how I have seen it in dreams. But to physically walk in the fade..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh, right, this would be a dream come true for your crazy ass," Bull grumbled as he attempted to grab hold of Hawke, who was currently upside down. Sera, who had not said a word all of this time, had her back to them and appeared to be muttering to herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Sera?" Carwyn called out nervously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"She's just having a moment, boss. I'll be next." Bull said with a wave of his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thanks, that didn't help," Carwyn groused. He turned to Solas but he was busy examining a nearby floating table. Carwyn did some breathing exercises before continuing. "Solas, you're the local fade expert. What the fuck do we do?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"A powerful demon controls this place. I would say if we find the demon, we find our way out." Solas said musingly. Carwyn had half a mind to snap a finger in front of his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"He's right. It's our best chance of getting out of this wretched place," Hawke said gravely and pointed to the broken sky behind them. "I would wager that is a good place to start."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's better than staying here. Let's go." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They came across their first obstacle no more than five minutes later. Multiple large spiders began a descent down from their string of webs, and Carwyn's body tensed so tightly he thought he would snap in half. Now was not the time to freeze up. But he couldn't move. He clenched his eyes shut in frustration. Everyone else was fighting them, but he was stood off to the side, still as a statue. He was pathetic. What use was he if he couldn't fight off a few spiders, phobia or not? He watched in a trance as the last of the spiders fell and dissolved. The reality of the situation struck him like a blow to the stomach. He had not helped, </span>
  <em>
    <span>at all</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Fat lot of good you were." Sera spat at him, eyes wild. Carwyn said nothing in response. It was as though something was lodged in his throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I believe those were personalised little fears," Solas informed them all. Little fears. Right. Nothing to freak out over, then. Perfect. Solas stepped in front of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Did you see spiders?" He asked and Carwyn could only nod. Solas' eyes were understanding and it twisted in Carwyn's gut. He didn't deserve his understanding. Nobody else reacted the way he did to their own little fear. He was a liability. Solas put a hand on his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Not everyone reacts the same way when they are frightened. Do not dwell on it." He said gently. Carwyn's eyes prickled hotly with unshed tears. In mortification, he shrugged off Solas' hand harshly and stormed ahead. What Hawke and Stroud must think of him. What Sera and Bull must think of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't you think you ought to let someone else take the lead, Carwyn?" A deep, rumbling voice vibrated through his skull. He cried out in surprise, hand going to his quiver. The voice laughed, making Carwyn's blood run cold. Could anyone else hear this? Was he going insane? He hesitantly glanced around, trying to gauge people's reactions. They were all staring at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You hear him too?" Carwyn asked in a hushed voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Of course they can hear me, you silly little boy. Do you think I wouldn't have them witness your undoing?" The voice jeered at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's the demon, don't listen," Solas said sharply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, boss, don't let him get to you." Bull agreed. Easy for them to say, it wasn't exactly easy to ignore a voice that was in your head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Anybody could take your place, you do know that, yes? The only thing that makes you remotely valuable is that anchor on your hand. Without that, what are you? You couldn't even fight off a spider, what makes you think you stand a chance against </span>
  <em>
    <span>me?</span>
  </em>
  <span>" Carwyn sucked in a breath and carried on walking. This demon was saying things it knew would eat at him. All he needed to do was not give it the satisfaction of a response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No answer, hm? How does it feel, having so many people that you care about? It must be exhausting. I wonder, have you thought about how every single one of them will leave you in the end?" The voice seemed to know that particular jab got to him, as he let it settle. Carwyn clenched his jaw in determination. He could do this. After all, they were just words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nobody lives forever, Carwyn. Don't you wish you could die before you see that come to pass? They could live without you. Can you say the same?" Carwyn was vaguely aware that his nails were digging into his palms. A hand cautiously touched his, making him jolt. Solas was now beside him, and he gingerly uncurled Carwyn's fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I think it's gone, for now," Solas said quietly. In a moment of weakness, Carwyn grabbed hold of Solas' hand and squeezed. He let go quickly, hoping Solas wouldn't be too alarmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well, now that we have all taken a trip into my mind, I think we should hurry on through this fucking nightmare." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was even worse having to listen to the demon pick apart the others, seeing as there was no way to </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>hear it. Solas' was spoken entirely in Elven, so he lucked out. He didn't even seem phased by whatever was said. Carwyn did not want to know. It was just so personal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Encountering the spirit of Divine Justinia, although Carwyn wasn't certain that's what she was, proved to be the least shocking part of the trip. He gathered his memories of what happened at the conclave, revealing that the only reason he had the anchor was that he truly had stumbled upon it. That was a huge relief. It was official, he was not the herald of anything. If he ever got back home, they would never hear the end of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bull took a turn at navigating but ended up leading them completely off of the path. Sera even clung onto Carwyn's arm at one point, which must have meant he was forgiven for the spiders. They made their way down into what looked like some marshlands, and now even Stroud was growing impatient at Bull's lack of direction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I don't think this is the right way." Hawke piped up from the back of the group. Bull grunted at him, clearly embarrassed. Carwyn caught sight of something in the distance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hey, what's that over there?" Without waiting for an answer, he began to jog over. Once it properly came into his view, he slowed down. It was a graveyard. Why was there one in the fade? He got closer and his breath hitched. On one of the headstones, it read the name "Sera". Frantically, his eyes searched the rest of them. Cassandra, Iron Bull, Dorian, Vivienne, Varric, Cole, Solas. He only had to read the first word on Vivienne's to know these were their greatest fears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Wait, stay there," Carwyn said hastily as he saw the group heading towards him. He seriously doubted they wanted to see their own headstones. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw another slab of stone that he had not noticed before. It was by far the biggest. He sighed. It had his name on it. Below was just one word; abandonment. Swallowing thickly, he forced himself to look away. Solas had materialised next to him, making him startle. Carwyn stared in disbelief as Solas continued to, without shame, read his stone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"That's private!" He hissed. Solas couldn't seem to tear his eyes away. Carwyn was at a complete loss. This was unlike him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You can read mine," Solas told him dully, not glancing up. Carwyn glared and stomped away. Fine, he would read Solas' headstone. That rude, arrogant-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh," Carwyn said, voice small. His chest tightened. Solas was afraid of dying alone. That put a damper on his plans of dying before anyone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We must continue, come," Solas said roughly, grabbing Carwyn's arm and yanking him away. Carwyn could have sworn his eyes were glistening in the dark of the fade. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"I'm sorry," Carwyn said softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"As am I." Solas breathed, eyes impossibly sad.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Deciding to leave Stroud in the fade was not the most ideal situation. Carwyn loathed the fact that it was even down to him in the first place. Why was it always his choice? Could nobody think for themselves? Now he had to face the burden of a dead man on his conscience. Not to mention, Solas had not said a word to him the entire journey back to Skyhold. Was it because he recruited the grey wardens? Did it mean that much to him for them to be sent away? Carwyn didn't know what to do, or how to fix it. Did it even need fixing? Perhaps Solas was merely exhausted from their borderline traumatic experience. Yes, that must be it. Anyone would be less talkative after enduring such things. </p><p>"Trouble in paradise?" Bull's voice shook him out of his train of thought. To Carwyn's dismay, he realised he had been staring at Solas the entire time.</p><p>"What are you talking about?" Carwyn said with a chuckle. It sounded convincing enough to him, but Bull merely raised an eyebrow.</p><p>"Fine, avoid the obvious, have it your way," He threw a huge arm around Carwyn's shoulder, pulling him close. They were almost back at Skyhold, but Carwyn wasn't certain he could walk the entire way attached to Bull's side. Catching him off guard, Bull bent his head down towards Carwyn's.</p><p>"I'm just putting this out there, but if it really <em> is </em> nothing, then we have a lot more to talk about." </p><p>"Oh, well, I-" Carwyn stammered out, flushing a deep red. His eyes automatically flickered to where Solas was walking ahead and found him already looking back, jaw clenched so hard that it looked painful. Did he hear? Carwyn bit the inside of his cheek harshly, tearing his eyes away. If he did, maybe he didn't appreciate what Bull was insinuating about them. Disappointing, but not unexpected. Seeming to sense the tense air, Bull gave him a light pat on the shoulder before moving on to where Sera was picking flowers by the side of the trail. Taking a deep breath, Carwyn made his way over to Solas.</p><p>"So, uh, are you doing alright?" Carwyn cringed at the awkwardness.</p><p>"As well as anyone can be after such an ordeal," Solas said bruskly, staring forward. Shit. He wasn't happy, then. Flexing his fingers anxiously, Carwyn pondered on what to say next.</p><p>"Well, I have something that could help with that? Blanket in the garden time? When we get back." He said, smiling earnestly. Solas sighed softly, still not looking his way. </p><p>"I do not think that would be the best idea."</p><p>"Oh," Carwyn said. Solas nodded, seemingly to himself, and strode on ahead without so much as a backward glance. Fighting the urge to kick something, Carwyn took one of his arrows, readied his bow, and shot it into a nearby tree. Breathing raggedly, he ignored the shocked stares from the gathered inquisition soldiers, ripped the arrow out of the tree, and stuffed it back into his quiver.</p><p>That was that. Solas didn't want to spend time together anymore? Perfect. It wasn't like Carwyn was missing out on much. So, why did it hurt so much?</p><p>They arrived back at Skyhold ten minutes later, and Carwyn retired to his rooms as soon as possible. He needed to get his temper in check, he was already not in the best mental state to be briefing his advisors due to his time in the fade, but Solas was the icing on the cake. He flopped onto his bed unceremoniously, staring up at the ceiling. He was experiencing so many different emotions at once that he feared he may bleed with the pain of it. Clearly, he had read things wrong between them. If Solas was pulling away now, it didn't bode well. Carwyn flung his arm over his eyes, groaning in pure frustration.</p><p>"You don't care about Solas, you don't care about Solas," He repeated to himself like a holy chant. Maybe if he kept saying it he would convince himself it was true. What was the point of holding onto something that would never happen? Carwyn was wasting his time, lying here in self-pity. He didn't need Solas to give him attention, he didn't need Solas to smile in that soft way of his, he didn't need Solas to roll his eyes fondly. He didn't need Solas.</p><p>Springing upwards from the bed, Carwyn marched out of his chambers with a newfound boldness. As he stalked through the main hall, he caught sight of Dorian about to enter Solas' study area to get to the library, and the other man waved him over.</p><p>"Where are you off to with such charming purpose?" Dorian asked whilst stroking his moustache idly.</p><p>"I'm going to fuck Bull," Carwyn said off-handedly and revelled in Dorian's blink of incredulity. He had left him speechless. </p><p>"I'll see you later." Carwyn waved cheerfully and turned to leave, but Dorian shook his head quickly, halting him. </p><p>"I was told to relay a message to you," He said in a hushed voice, beckoning Carwyn closer. "Solas says he wishes to speak with you about physically being in the fade, I think he wants to gather some notes on the subject." </p><p>"Solas can wait a little while, can't he?" Carwyn said, sickly sweet. The sting of rejection was still too fresh for him, and Solas was already expecting them to resume back to the role of an entirely professional relationship. Dorian opened his mouth as if to say something, but appeared to think better of it. Instead, he gave Carwyn a sad smile as he walked through the doorway leading to the library. </p><p>Carwyn continued on his way to the tavern. He couldn't let himself stop and think too much on what he was about to do. He had to move past whatever this was for his own sanity.</p><p>"Is Bull at the tavern?" Carwyn called out to Krem, who was practising with a training dummy alongside Cassandra. Krem grinned at him and nodded enthusiastically. Surprisingly, it didn't embarrass Carwyn that he seemed to know exactly what he was doing. The more people that knew, the better. Maybe then it will be easier to shake things off. He burst through the tavern door, causing multiple heads to turn at the commotion. Stalking up to where Bull was now watching him from his regular seat, Carwyn tried to ignore how violently his heart was pounding. </p><p>"Can I talk to you?" Bull smiled to himself upon hearing the question and gave a small shrug. He stood to his full height, making Carwyn almost second-guess what the fuck he was even doing here.</p><p>"Come on, I have a room upstairs where we can...talk."</p><p>As Carwyn followed Bull, he began to think this wasn't such a good idea. No, this was a <em> terrible </em>idea. He couldn't back out now, that would mean he would have to return to his room and wait for his feelings to boil over and suffocate him. He didn't care if he was being stupid, he was doing this. Bull opened the rickety wooden door, beckoning Carwyn inside. As soon as the door closed behind them, Bull plopped down onto the tattered bed in the middle of the room, stretched his legs out and put his hands behind his head. Carwyn shifted uneasily. Was he waiting for something?</p><p>"Tell me what's going on here, boss." Bull drawled, patting the spot beside him. Carwyn stared at the place where Bull's hand just was. Did he want to just...sit? Did Carwyn read <em>this </em>wrong too? He reluctantly shuffled over, slumping down and copying Bull's position by stretching his legs out onto the bed.</p><p>"I thought that you were, uh, propositioning me." Carwyn forced out, taking interest in the painting opposite him. Bull chuckled beside him.</p><p>"Oh, I was." </p><p>"Wait, what?" Carwyn whipped his head around to look at Bull. </p><p>"Look, boss, I would like to think that I'm pretty perceptive. And I can see that you don't want this."</p><p>"How do you know what I want?" Carwyn asked hotly, growing more and more uncomfortable. Bull tutted at him.</p><p>"Ben-Hassrath, remember? It's my job to know these things," Bull took his arms away from the back of his head and folded them across his middle. "What are you trying to prove?"</p><p>"I'm not trying to prove any-" Carwyn stopped himself, suddenly ashamed. He heard Bull exhale through his nose.</p><p>"Maybe think it through a little more. You know I'm always here if you want me to be, but I can't help you with whatever is going through your head right now." </p><p>"I know. I'm sorry." Carwyn said quietly and felt his throat tighten. A giant hand clasped his arm comfortingly.</p><p>"You've been through a lot of shit these past few months. Some sleep would do you good." </p><p>"This past week I haven't been able to sleep for more than two hours," Carwyn said wearily. He swung his legs back over the side of the bed, letting out a long breath. The bed creaked under him as Bull stood.</p><p>"You're burnt out, boss. You need to rest before it starts eating at you, I can see you're close to your breaking point." </p><p>"You're right," Carwyn sighed, standing up as well. "Thank you." </p><p>"Anytime. Now, get some sleep." Bull ordered him. Carwyn laughed as he was shooed away from the room. That hadn't gone as he anticipated. Dorian would have a field day when he found out. Stopping in his tracks, Carwyn felt his stomach drop. He still had to meet with Solas. At that moment, Carwyn wished it was socially acceptable to scream in public. Wait. no, it wouldn't be an issue. It was for research purposes. All he had to do was go over what happened in the fade and help compile a list of notes. This wasn't personal.</p><p>Jogging up the steps towards the castle, Carwyn went over in his head what he was going to say. Calm, poised, professional. With that mantra, he entered the rotunda. Solas was stood with his body curved over his desk, sifting through his many books. Carwyn's heart skipped anxiously and he cleared his throat. Solas stiffened, now aware of his presence. He straightened, picking up a heavy-looking tome from where it was teetering off the edge of the table.</p><p>"Back so soon? I would have thought the Iron Bull could last a little longer than that." Solas said casually and slammed the tome back down in the middle of the desk. Carwyn flinched as it made contact, the noise booming. </p><p>"How-" He tried to croak out but was immediately silenced by Solas speaking over him.</p><p>"I'm not sure if you have noticed, <em> Inquisitor</em>," He spat the word as if it were poison. "But I do have ears. Quite large ones, in fact."</p><p>"Solas-" </p><p>"Some of us are busy. While others might choose to spend their time being bent into various positions by Qunari mercenaries, I have work to do." Solas picked up another book, opening it to what Carwyn <em>knew </em>was a random page. Rage fuelled inside of him, his hands shaking. How dare he. He had no <em>right</em>. And he was still pretending to read that fucking book. In a fit of anger, Carwyn stomped towards Solas, snatched the book from his hands and threw it down onto the floor. Solas stared down at the book in astonishment. His eyes were fiery as they set upon Carwyn.</p><p>"What did you just say to me?" Carwyn asked through gritted teeth. Solas inhaled sharply and took a step backwards, bumping into the desk behind him. Carwyn wanted to grab his shirt and <em>tug</em>. </p><p>"I apologise. That was unworthy of me." Solas said hastily, taking obvious notice of the lack of space between them. </p><p>"Well done, it was. And you know what? Fuck you." Carwyn said, voice rising. Solas scowled at him.</p><p>"Now you're just being childish." He snapped and Carwyn watched as his hands clenched. He was getting angry; <em>good</em>. Carwyn had once thought what it would be like to push Solas over the limit. A wolf always went for the throat.</p><p>"<em>I'm </em>being childish?! Me? Did you not hear what you just said to me?"</p><p>"I apologised." Solas' face reddened in his agitation. Carwyn laughed derisively, a hand coming up to hold his forehead.</p><p>"Oh, well then, case closed." He said sarcastically. Solas made an aborted movement as though he was about to walk away, but Carwyn's hand shot outward to take hold of his arm. They were both breathing heavily, almost nose to nose. Carwyn ran his tongue over his mouth in a sudden moment of self-consciousness. Solas' eyes followed, glancing down.</p><p>"Why do you care?" Carwyn whispered desperately. Solas swallowed and looked away.</p><p>"I don't."</p><p>"Don't fucking lie to me." Carwyn bit out roughly. Solas was still not looking at him. Fine. </p><p>"Okay," Carwyn said, letting go of Solas' arm and stepping away. He reached up to scratch at his beard, let out a weak chuckle, and walked out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carwyn kept himself busy for the first week or so after their disagreement. Who was he kidding? They had a fight, calling it a disagreement didn't really cut it. It was painful, but he knew he had to distance himself. There were parts of him that longed to run right back to Solas, begging him to forget what happened and just pretend everything was normal. But the uncertainty of whether Solas would want to go back to how they were was terrifying. Carwyn knew he wouldn't handle another rejection well. And Solas had hurt him. He didn't want to show vulnerability again if this is what it wrought.</p><p>Word of what happened between them spread around Skyhold like wildfire. The rotunda was not the best place for explosive arguments, and Carwyn still reddens at the thought of all of those people listening in. The only silver lining was that nobody had gone into detail about <em>what </em>they were fighting about. Carwyn suspected Dorian might have something to do with that. But that also meant that Dorian had heard everything. Which is why that along with Solas, Carwyn was also avoiding Dorian like the plague. He took every little errand he could and had formed a solid little rotation of who he chose to take along with him. It didn't include either of them. Immature? Maybe. Did Carwyn care? No.</p><p>He had one of those errands to do today for Cullen. It was a big one, seeing as they hadn't scouted the Emerald Graves before and it would help against the red templars. Carwyn had already asked Cassandra and Sera to join him, but he needed a third person; a mage. The obvious option was, of course, Vivienne. The only thing? He couldn't find her <em>anywhere</em>. </p><p>"Hey, Varric, do you know where Vivienne is?" Carwyn asked after coming back down the stairs that led to the mage's little hideaway. Varric smirked at him. Uh oh.</p><p>"She just left. Business in Val Royeaux, if I heard right."</p><p>"Seriously?" Carwyn groaned loudly. Varric nodded, not looking at all sympathetic. </p><p>"Maybe try someone else? Another mage, perhaps?" Carwyn glared half-heartedly at Varric. He supposed asking Dorian wouldn't be the end of the world. If he was going to do this, he would have to walk back up the stairs to Vivienne's spot and then enter the library from there. He was not going to walk through Solas' study. Nope, no way. </p><p>He found Dorian sat in his armchair, a huge blanket thrown over his body and a mug of tea cupped in his hands.</p><p>"Oh, darling you must know that I can't possibly go with you today. I am dreadfully ill, I would be of no use." Dorian told him dramatically, coughing for emphasis. Carwyn stared in disbelief. </p><p>"Dorian, you're fine."</p><p>"What? No, I'm not. Can't you see that I'm drinking tea? And I'm under a blanket?"</p><p>"You seem perfectly healthy to me," Carwyn said, rolling his eyes. Did Dorian think he was an idiot? Well, probably.</p><p>"Look at you, the expert on all things to do with other people's health." Dorian sniffed at him, taking a long sip of his tea.</p><p>"I need a mage to come with me to the Emerald Graves." Carwyn tried to explain, fighting the internal panic. If Dorian wouldn't go, then Solas would be the only mage left. It was always best to have one of the mages, they had the healing spells for if they ran out of potions. Carwyn was torn.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Carwyn, I really am. You'll have to ask someone else." Dorian said pointedly, eyes darting towards the room below them. Feeling his chest constrict at the mere idea, Carwyn shook his head rapidly and edged towards the door.</p><p>"Carwyn, please, if I may say something?" Dorian said quickly, visibly worried the other man may flee. Carwyn took a step closer as Dorian ushered him over. </p><p>"I didn't want to mention it, you clearly don't wish to speak on it, but I think you should talk with Solas," Dorian whispered. Carwyn made a noise of protest, but Dorian beckoned him even closer, forcing him to bend down. "You don't realise, but I was still here when you left. I saw him, he looked devastated." </p><p>Carwyn breathed out unsteadily, longing for it be true. But if Solas did regret what happened, why hadn't he come to Carwyn himself? Why was it always down to Carwyn to fix things? With this thought, he straightened up abruptly and ran a jittery hand through his hair. Dorian was watching him carefully.</p><p>"He even swore in Elvish, if it's any help to your case." Carwyn fought back an amused smile at the words. He could <em>try </em>and ask Solas. After all, it's professional. Yes, he would ask Solas.</p><p>"Okay. I'll head down there now." Carwyn said nervously, his face warming at Dorian's delighted smile. Putting on a brave face, Carwyn slowly descended the steps. He could do this. He could do this. Solas came into view, his expression soft in the early morning light as he flicked through the parchment splayed out on his desk. Carwyn froze at the sight. He couldn't do this. Solas didn't give enough of a shit about him to even look him in the eye when they last spoke. And now he was supposed to believe that he would give him the time of day? Dorian must have misread Solas' expression. He didn't care, he told Carwyn that. Simmering with quiet resentment, Carwyn whisked past the desk, refusing to acknowledge that Solas existed. He didn't need a mage. He'll get Blackwall.</p><p>Blackwall couldn't come. Neither could Bull. Cole was nowhere to be found. It seemed like some sick joke. Carwyn swore quietly under his breath and gathered Sera and Cassandra.</p><p>"Come on, we're off." He said to them both as he stalked over to the stables. Ignoring the little voice inside of his head that was screeching at him to go and get Solas, Carwyn saddled his horse and mounted. Cassandra hovered next to her own horse.</p><p>"Inquisitor..."</p><p>"Hm?"</p><p>"We usually have a mage among us. Not to mention we usually have four of us." Cassandra said with a frown. Sera fidgeted beside her, looking unsure.</p><p>"What can't the three of us do? We have plenty of health potions, Cass." When neither of them made a move to mount their horses, Carwyn grew agitated. </p><p>"Don't tell me you're going to make me go by myself?" He asked incredulously. Sera shrugged, climbing up to join him. They both turned to stare at Cassandra.</p><p>"Ugh, fine. But don't say I didn't warn you." </p><p>Carwyn soon realised that he had fucked up. He had really fucked up. Nobody had told him about the great bears, the dragon and the seemingly infinite amount of <em>giants</em>. They had barely scraped through stealing the red templar correspondence from the caravans and they were worryingly down on health potions. This wouldn't be so awful if it was just Carwyn, but he had put Cassandra and Sera in danger because he was too stubborn to get over himself. So what if things would have been awkward with Solas here? At least they would have a safety net for this exact problem. </p><p>"Right, don't worry, I'll get us out of here," Carwyn reassured the others as they all limped through the forest. Sera began to laugh hysterically.</p><p>"I can't believe that we are inches away from being eaten by multiple no-no creatures all because Carwyn had a domestic with his boyfriend."</p><p>"He's not my-"</p><p>"Okay, yeah, maybe not, but you sure <em> act </em> like he is." Carwyn flushed in humiliation. They were reaching the forest clearing at a rapid pace, the adrenaline fully setting in as they continued to snipe at each other. The only thing in sight was a humungous boulder near the entrance.</p><p>"Maybe you should mind your own business." Carwyn snapped, ignoring Cassandra's sigh of disapproval.</p><p>"This <em>is </em>my business! I am here without any health potions and there isn't a mage!" Carwyn halted suddenly, heart dropping.</p><p>"You don't have any potions left?" He asked calmly, trying his best not to freak out.</p><p>"No, I just told you-wait. Do you not have any either?" </p><p>"No."</p><p>"Shit." Cassandra hissed out. This was bad. Very bad. As though the world could read his thoughts, the humongous boulder began to move. They watched in horror as it stood on two hairy legs the size of tree trunks, revealing a gaunt and haggard face. A giant. The boulder had been a sleeping giant.</p><p>"Fuck, run!" Carwyn yelled frantically. Unfortunately for Carwyn, he was the closest, therefore he was the target. He glanced around wildly, seeing that Cassandra and Sera were out of range. He could distract the giant long enough for them to get out of harm's way, and then sprint away. He was a fast runner. Backing up as the giant advanced on him, he shot an arrow into its belly. It bounced right off. </p><p>"Fucking hell..." Carwyn laughed, slightly crazed.</p><p>"Carwyn!" He heard Sera scream before a massive hand swiped at him, sending him flying through the air at an alarming speed. It felt as though he had been hit by a carriage. He slammed down onto the ground hard, crying out in pain. It hurt to breathe, he couldn't move. All he could do was lie there, staring up at the blue sky. Blue. He liked that colour.</p><p>The ground shook violently and all was quiet. Did they make it? Was the giant now after them? Carwyn tried to move, causing his eyes to water in agony. </p><p>"Carwyn! Oh, Maker..." Cassandra was sat at his feet, face white. </p><p>"Sera? Is she-" Carwyn panted, voice raspy. Cassandra hushed him softly.</p><p>"She's safe. The giant is dead." Carwyn squeezed his eyes shut in relief.</p><p>"I don't think I'm..." He started to say but was interrupted by a hand clasping his tightly; Sera.</p><p>"Shut the fuck up, you idiot. We're getting you help." She said shakily. Carwyn's vision fogged.</p><p>"Take my hand," He said, heaving. </p><p>"I'm already holding your hand," Sera said, sounding baffled. Carwyn let out a grunt, attempting to show her his other hand.</p><p>"No, the anchor. You need it." </p><p>"Just shut up! You don't know what you're saying, so shut up!" Sera sobbed. Carwyn's heart ached for her, he hated that he was causing her distress. </p><p>"This will be one for the history books. Inquisitor Trevelyan...swatted like a fly." He wheezed. Both Cassandra and Sera snorted wetly. The blue sky continued to stare down at him. His heart lurched with a sudden thought.</p><p>"Solas!" He gasped out. What if this was how things ended? The forest darkened around him.</p><p>"Tell Solas..." He breathed and felt Cassandra lean forward to hear him better.</p><p>"Yes?" She whispered.</p><p>"Tell him-" He smiled to himself. "I care." </p><p> </p><p>Carwyn awoke in his bed back at Skyhold. Mouth paper dry, limbs throbbing. He was alive. Although, judging by the amount of pain he was in, it was just barely. Attempting to move was not the wisest of decisions, causing him to swear colourfully. A chair abruptly scraped across the floor and Solas was kneeling above him. He had a cup of water that he gently pressed against Carwyn's lips.</p><p>"Drink," Solas ordered him. Carwyn obeyed. The water soothed his throat and he shot Solas a look of gratitude. Placing the now empty cup on the bedside table, Solas fixed his eyes on Carwyn. It made him feel small and exposed. Guilt wracked at him.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Carwyn said, voice wavering. Solas exhaled roughly and lurched forward, throwing his arms around Carwyn. Tears threatening to spill over, Carwyn buried his face into Solas' warm chest.</p><p>"Never," Solas said fiercely, arms tightening in their hold. "Never do that to me again."</p><p>"It wasn't fun, I don't plan on it," Carwyn promised, still in awe that he was <em>touching </em> Solas. He smelt like old books and something entirely unique to him. Carwyn sighed in contentment.</p><p>"It's my fault," Solas mumbled into Carwyn's shirt.</p><p>"Woah there, I was the one who didn't take anyone's advice and ended up nearly becoming a smear on the forest floor," Carwyn said, pulling away to smile weakly at Solas. To his horror, Solas covered his eyes with one hand, clearly anguished. </p><p>"Exactly. You almost died. <em> Again</em>. But this time it was because I was too foolish to express my own-" He cut himself off with a frustrated groan, now covering his entire face with both hands. At a loss on what to do, Carwyn cautiously took Solas' hands and pried them apart so he could try and read his expression. He tilted his head, smirking.</p><p>"Something about misjudged emotional attachment?" Solas stared at him blankly for a moment, then <em>giggled</em>. It was a delirious sounding thing, but it made Carwyn feel warm and gooey on the inside. Which was a nice change to whatever was going on with his body right now.</p><p>"I thought it was better to distance myself. It would be kinder in the long run. But..." Solas trailed off, looking down at where Carwyn's hand rested next to his knee. He reached out, delicately playing with each finger. Carwyn's face grew hot at the sensation.</p><p>"But...?" Carwyn asked breathlessly. Solas let go of his fingers. </p><p>"It would seem that no matter how hard I try, I can't stay away for long."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carwyn was bedridden for nearly two weeks. It was perhaps the longest two weeks of his life. It turned out that he had managed to break multiple ribs and his body looked like somebody had splotched red, blue and purple paint all over. Not to mention the concussion. The only shining light in his life during this depressing period was the constant onslaught of visitors. Sera had brought him cookies, well, she had thrown some cookies at him while yelling about making her worry. Carwyn made sure to apologise multiple times, unable to avoid the bombardment of baked goods. Blackwall had crafted a little wooden giant for him. His idea of a joke, Carwyn supposed. It <em>was </em>pretty funny. He had also seen visits from all of his other friends and even his advisors. Cullen was stiff and awkward at first, but after bringing his chessboard along, his visits became some of Carwyn's favourites. And Solas? Well, Solas spent nearly all of his spare time huddled up in Carwyn's room, using his desk as a workspace. Carwyn wasn't sure if Solas even slept. He would still be reading intently as Carwyn dozed off, and upon waking he was still at his desk, as though he had never moved. For someone who loved to dream, he didn't seem to be allowing himself the pleasure. </p><p>On the fifth day of Carwyn's confinement, Solas stood from the desk, stretching with a quiet grunt that set Carwyn's insides aflame. Desperately trying to act as though he hadn't been staring, Carwyn turned back to the paperwork he had been skimming through. Dreadfully dull.</p><p>"You must be terribly bored, Inquisitor," Solas observed, crossing his arms as he leant against the desk. Carwyn fought the urge to ask for Solas to entertain him. That would not be appropriate. And where had it come from? Maybe being stuck in the same room for days on end had taken a toll on him. </p><p>"Well, I for one am just glad I have something so pretty to look at during my stay," Carwyn said with a charming grin. As he watched Solas blink in shock, Carwyn reached over to pick up the toy wooden giant that Blackwall had gifted him. "See? This little guy has been getting me through."</p><p>"Ah, yes." Solas coughed, looking vaguely embarrassed. He appeared to consider something, his head tilting.</p><p>"I bet I could find you something prettier." </p><p>"Oh?" Carwyn raised an eyebrow. Solas nodded, eyes shining in mischief. The expression suited him. </p><p>"If you would give me an hour or so," Solas said, slowly backing towards the stairs leading to the door. Carwyn made a show of bidding him goodbye, far too curious to delay what he had planned. Solas was getting him a present. He hoped he was. Smiling to himself, Carwyn reluctantly returned to his many letters.</p><p>Ten minutes later, Leliana came knocking. She had news on the Winter Palace.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Inquisitor. I know you aren't well, but the Winter Palace ball date has been officially announced. It is in nine days." She told him as she sat on the edge of his bed. Carwyn swore softly.</p><p>"Nine days?! I can barely move now as it is!" </p><p>"I'm aware, but we cannot miss this. The empress is counting on us." Carwyn sat back against his pillows, mind racing. How was he going to be remotely presentable to the uptight and snobbish Orlesian nobility when he could hardly walk without groaning in pain?</p><p>"Is there any way for them to be notified ahead of time about my, uh, accident?" He asked, smiling sheepishly. Leliana laughed delicately. It reminded Carwyn of a bird chirping.</p><p>"I'm sure Josie can work her magic. But for now, we'll need to arrange some exercises to help get you moving again."</p><p>"That sounds like it will be the worst thing ever, Leliana."</p><p>"Most likely. You'll be fine." She smirked. Carwyn narrowed his eyes at her, mildly insulted at how much she was enjoying this. Leliana glanced around the room, her eyes landing on the desk that was currently overflowing with Solas' books and parchment.</p><p>"Hm..." Was all she said before rising from the bed and making a silent exit. Carwyn stared at the spot she vacated. What a strange woman.</p><p>A steaming mug of tea sat innocently on his bedside table. How did that get there? Did Leliana somehow manage to sneak it in without him noticing? No, he was certain she had nothing in her hands when she walked in.</p><p>"Cole...?" He called out to the empty room, feeling foolish. In a puff of mist, Cole was sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, expression blank. Carwyn would deny the tiny noise of alarm he produced from the sudden appearance.</p><p>"So it <em>was </em>you, then. Thanks for the tea." He said kindly. Carwyn was never sure how to act around Cole, the boy tended to unsettle him.</p><p>"You like tea. Solas doesn't. Both so different and yet the same. He doesn't want to see you hurt and yet he knows it is inevitable. You are worried that if you cling to him he will slip through your fingers, like water." Cole said in a rush.</p><p>"Okay, that's enough-"</p><p>"He is so alone. It's been too long. You burn through his eyelids, a bright and rich green. He sees but he doesn't act, he doesn't know how. He wants to stay." Carwyn let out a shaky breath, not knowing how to react. He didn't want to hear this, he <em>couldn't </em>hear this. These abstract thoughts, little snippets into Solas' mind. It was too much.</p><p>"Please don't be upset, I'm trying to help," Cole told him, eyes sad. Carwyn huffed a laugh, scratching at his beard as he thought of how to respond. </p><p>"You think he doesn't sleep. He does. He lies beside you. He gets up before you can notice." The words hit him like a punch. Solas had been sleeping next to him? Why did he not want Carwyn to know? It could just be a practical thing. It isn't as though he could sleep on the floor. It irked Carwyn that he was always unconscious whenever this happened.</p><p>"Cole, I know you mean well, but sometimes getting into people's heads can feel a little invasive," Carwyn said gently. Cole's eyes grew startlingly large, not quite unlike a baby cow.</p><p>"Helping is what I do. For the people who won't help themselves." And then he was gone. </p><p>"That little shit," Carwyn snorted to himself, unimpressed. He didn't need help. Maybe he knew exactly what he was doing. Did Cole ever think about that? Just because a spooky spirit came to tell him something vague and cryptic about Solas, that didn't mean it held any weight. Although, a voice in the back of his mind kindly reminded him that what Cole had said about Carwyn had been frighteningly accurate. So perhaps what was said about Solas could be somewhat true. Shifting uncomfortably, Carwyn threw his letters towards the desk and watched as they gracefully fluttered to the floor. Fuck. He would deal with that later. For now, he wanted to block out the world that had just been tipped on its head. Burrowing into his blankets, Carwyn squeezed his eyes stubbornly shut.</p><p>He woke up hazily, glancing out to the balcony which told him it was early evening. He must have slept for at least four hours. Struggling to sit up, Carwyn rubbed at his eyes groggily. He scanned the room in hopes of finding Solas. He hadn't come back. Pushing down disappointment, Carwyn turned to his bedside table only to blink in confusion. A bouquet? The flowers were twinkling in a deep blue, making Carwyn question that he wasn't dreaming. Since when did flowers sparkle? A cream coloured piece of parchment stood against the vase, and Carwyn reached out to snatch it up. His name was written on the front in careful lettering. Flipping it over, Carwyn fought down his thudding heartbeat.</p><p><em> It took me a little longer to gather the flowers than I had hoped, not to mention the enchantment I had to hunt the library for. I hope you like them. I would say these are prettier than a beastly wooden giant, don't you agree? Don't worry about needing to water them, I found a spell for that too. </em> <em> I've been summoned to aid with an expedition to the Exalted Plains, I am sure I will return soon. Try not to get into any trouble without me. </em></p><p>
  <em> Yours,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Solas </em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.S, I would appreciate it if you would refrain from scattering your letters all over the floor, it took quite a bit of sorting to get them back into order. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Carwyn looked over at his desk to see the letters in a neat pile and felt his chest rush with warmth. Solas had enchanted a bouquet of blue wildflowers that he had gathered himself so that they would sparkle in dazzling silver. If Carwyn stared at them long enough, they began to resemble stars twinkling in the night sky. The pure euphoric sensation that coursed through his veins as he gazed upon them was nothing short of incredible. It was ridiculously unfair that Solas was away on Inquisition business and couldn't be thanked.</p><p>"Guess who!" Dorian's voice sang as he entered the room along with Bull, both carrying trays full of food. Carwyn reluctantly tore his eyes away from the flowers, watching as his two friends laid their feast out onto his blankets.</p><p>"How's it going, boss?" Bull asked as he stuffed his face full of bread. Carwyn sighed loudly.</p><p>"Not as bad as it could be. Did you know that Leliana is planning on giving me special <em> exercises </em> to get me moving again in time for the winter palace?" Carwyn scrunched up his nose at the mere thought. Dorian plucked a grape from a bowl, chewing slowly before answering.</p><p>"We know. We're the ones who have been tasked to help you with them."</p><p>"Absolutely not," Carwyn said immediately. Dorian frowned at him, looking at Bull for assistance. Seeing that the mercenary was too busy working his way through the sausage rolls, Dorian tutted lightly.</p><p>"She thought you might say that. Wouldn't you say that a friendly face would be better than a stranger?" He said and then smiled slyly. "How about your cleaning habits? <em>Someone </em>has been helping you get into your bath."</p><p>"Yes, a very nice girl who knows when not to look." Carwyn flushed, dutifully ignoring Dorian and Bull's raised eyebrows.</p><p>"Oh, that's a surprise. With all the time that our resident apostate spends in this room, I would have assumed he did the honours." Dorian grinned maniacally, narrowly missing the cushion that Carwyn flung at his head.</p><p>"Fuck off, you menace. He's only here to keep me company. Because he's <em>kind.</em>" </p><p>"Hah! To you, maybe." Bull said brashly</p><p>"Yes, 'kind' would not be the word I would use to describe Solas." Dorian agreed. Glaring sullenly at the two of them, Carwyn felt his eyes land back on the flowers next to him. This was a mistake.</p><p>"My, my! How exquisite! Tell me, has Solas taken a sudden hobby in the art of flower picking? Look at how they shine..." Dorian pretended to fan himself. Carwyn wanted to strangle him. </p><p>"Tha's not-" Carwyn faltered, unsure of what he was going to say. Bull took pity in him.</p><p>"Come on, leave him alone. Some things are personal." </p><p>"Yes, exactly..." Carwyn smiled gratefully and Bull shot him a quick wink. Dorian cleared his throat guiltily.</p><p>"Ah, well, they are rather beautiful. Pay me no mind, I'm only teasing." </p><p>"I know, Dorian. I'm sorry," Carwyn paused, considering his next words. "It's a touchy subject." </p><p>For the next few days, Bull and Dorian came to his room with the sole purpose of getting him to walk without keeling over. It was a frustrating process. Solas was still not back from whatever he was doing in the Exalted Plains, and Carwyn tried his best not to worry. These things took time, there was no need to be anxious. That was what Bull kept telling him. But the winter palace ball was drawing nearer, and there was no sign of Solas. The only positive was that Carwyn could now walk without aid. Such an achievement.</p><p>It was the night before they were due to leave for Halamshiral when Solas came stumbling into Carwyn's chambers, clearly exhausted. Carwyn leapt from where he had been sat at his desk, instantly wincing in pain at the stupidly fast movement. </p><p>"It's good to see you standing," Solas said with a strained smile, carefully making his way over to the middle of the room. </p><p>"You look dead on your feet, Solas."</p><p>"Yes, thank you," Solas said wryly. He seemed to realise that Carwyn was actually <em>there</em>, blinking rapidly. "You should be sleeping, are you aware of the hour?" </p><p>"Lost track, I suppose..." Carwyn admitted with a big yawn. Solas blew out a short breath, dragging his feet across the stone floor as he walked to Carwyn's bed. He shrugged off his fur-lined coat, flicked the blankets aside, and collapsed into them with a soft thud. Carwyn could only stare. Seeming to realise Carwyn had not yet joined him, Solas flung one arm out, patting the bed. Very cautiously, Carwyn slid into bed beside Solas. He was tuned in to all of his senses at once, struggling to relax due to the intense emotions he was currently experiencing. This wasn't weird, was it? Solas was in his <em>bed</em>. Is this what he had been doing when Carwyn had been asleep? Just as Cole said? He jolted violently when a hand weakly smacked him on the shoulder.</p><p>"Stop thinking, you're keeping me awake," Solas mumbled. Carwyn slowly turned onto his side, facing Solas. They were now staring right into each other's eyes. Abort. Abort. The air around them was so quiet, it was a wonder that anything outside of this room existed. </p><p>"I did like the flowers," Carwyn whispered. He wanted Solas to know.</p><p>"Good. I couldn't be outdone by a man who doesn't even wash his face." Solas said with a sleepy smile. The honesty of the statement bewildered Carwyn.</p><p>"Are you saying that you picked those flowers that you knew were my favourite colour, enchanted them so they couldn't die and twinkled like diamonds...because you wanted to beat Blackwall's gift?" </p><p>"Correct," Solas said, eyes drooping. Carwyn couldn't suppress his laughter. His whole body shook with it. </p><p>"Your pride will be the end of you," Carwyn told Solas with a fond grin. He heard Solas exhale quietly.</p><p>"So I've been told."</p><p> </p><p>In the morning, Solas woke up first. Carwyn kept his eyes closed as he listened to him move about the room. His skin tingled in that peculiar sensation of being watched. He felt a finger attentively curl a loose strand of hair behind his ear.</p><p>"Inquisitor?" Solas asked in a hushed voice. Carwyn opened his eyes a mere fraction, seeing Solas stood above him.</p><p>"I suppose I need to get up," Carwyn said gruffly. </p><p>"I'm afraid so. I hear that Josephine has our attire for the evening all laid out. I hope you like angry red." </p><p>"Whose decision was <em>that? </em>" </p><p>"I chose not to ask. Come, the others will be waiting if we take much longer."</p><p>The winter palace reminded Carwyn vaguely of back home in Ostwick. So, naturally, he hated it. Being a human of noble birth put him in high standing with the Orlesian court, but he had been told numerous times throughout the night that his company was less than preferable. Fuck those two-faced little weasels. Solas, Dorian, and Sera were amazing people. Carwyn's ability to be charming in the face of elitist snobs was a skill he learnt from his childhood. It was very handy. </p><p>The night was gruelling, resulting in Carwyn finding refuge with various members of his inner circle. Empress Celene would be fine for the few minutes Carwyn stole away to take a breather. First, he went to Josephine. Finding her little sister delightful, he made sure to pester her with questions of his advisor's youth. Then, he saved Cullen from multiple hovering Orlesians. Sera was his next stop, looking almost as miserable as he felt. </p><p>"How's it going?" Carwyn asked, already knowing the answer.</p><p>"It's going great. Amazing. I'm practically invisible to these tosspots," Sera bit out, arms crossed. Carwyn cringed internally. </p><p>"I shouldn't have brought you here-"</p><p>"Uh, nope, don't give me that pity shit. I'm <em> fine </em>." Sera rolled her eyes, giving him a tiny smile. Carwyn tilted his head at her.</p><p>"Lots of little people for you here, hm?" </p><p>"Too many to count. It's gonna be a good one for the Red Jennys, you'll see."</p><p>Dorian was otherwise occupied with the extravagant wine fountain, so Carwyn searched for Solas. He was unprepared for what he found.</p><p>"Where the fuck did you get that?!" Carwyn hissed out, stepping in close so nobody could overhear. Solas only looked at him impassively. Carwyn motioned to the hat once more, hoping it would prompt Solas to explain.</p><p>"I had it with me the entire journey here. It's something of an inside joke."</p><p>"With <em>who?  </em>The kitchen staff? It looks like some sort of melting pot wrapped in cloth. Wait-" Carwyn stopped, a sudden embarrassing thought coming to him. "This isn't some sort of, uh, Elven cultural thing, is it? Did I just really insult you?" Solas chuckled lowly, shaking his head.</p><p>"It is no such thing. Merely a little jab at our Orlesian hosts." Carwyn could roll with that. </p><p>"So, how is the night for you? You're all tucked away by this lovely looking statue." Carwyn said dryly. </p><p>"I do adore the heady blend of power, intrigue, danger, and sex that permeates these events," Solas told him, his voice almost sensual. Abruptly feeling too tight for his uniform, Carwyn gulped. He let out a forced laugh, not wanting Solas to be aware of how he was affecting him. By the smug look on his face, he already knew.</p><p>"Well, I'm glad someone is enjoying themselves," </p><p>"Hm, yes." Was Solas' only response. Gathering his courage, Carwyn decided to take a chance.</p><p>"Um, once we've sorted all of this out, would you perhaps save a dance for me?" He asked, lightning-fast. Solas' eyes flickered down Carwyn's body, subtle enough that he almost wasn't caught.</p><p>"Perhaps, once our business is done." Nearly punching the air in victory, Carwyn practically skipped away.</p><p>A witch by the name of Morrigan accosted him on his way back to the ballroom. Things went downhill from there. Dead servants, mouthy Fereldan mercenaries, and a naked man tied up in Empress Celene's bed. Not to mention the Duke's sister revealing herself to be some sort of conniving low-rate villain. Really? <em> She </em>was the assassin? Well, Carwyn couldn't afford to be picky. He made quick work of turning the court against the Dutchess. It was all a little too dramatised for his liking, but he had to play his cards for the Orlesian style of politics. Miraculously, Carwyn managed to convince Celene, Gaspard and Briala to all work together for the sake of the empire. He swore Josephine cried with joy at how well the evening had gone. Carwyn, on the other hand, was aching with each step and dreamed of his cosy bed back at Skyhold.</p><p>Escaping to the balcony, Carwyn allowed himself to take a quiet moment alone. It didn't last long. Morrigan sought him out, informing him that she was now Celene's liaison to the Inquisition. Carwyn didn't even have the energy to react, and she appeared to understand, tactfully taking her leave. </p><p>"A great success, I would say," Solas called out to him, making him turn slightly from where he was leaning against the stone railing. Letting himself smile at the sight of him, Carwyn returned his gaze to the moon up above.</p><p>"You look very serious. Negotiating a truce between a feuding royal family is no easy feat." Solas said, nudging Carwyn's arm. </p><p>"I'm almost falling asleep as we speak," Carwyn said teasingly. Solas clicked his tongue disapprovingly, taking a step back to hold out a hand.</p><p>"This should wake you up. Dance with me." Face burning a brilliant red, Carwyn nodded pointedly towards Solas' hat.</p><p>"Only if that comes off." Solas placed the hat in question onto the railing without a word, eyebrows rising in a clear challenge.</p><p>"Go easy on me, I'm still tender." Carwyn reminded him, taking a careful step into Solas' personal space.</p><p>"One usually needs to come closer if they are expecting their dance partner to be able to reach them," Solas said in reprimand, gripping Carwyn's waist and tugging him in. </p><p>"Smartass..." Carwyn said hoarsely, very aware of their proximity. The orchestra inside of the ballroom began to play a light-hearted waltz, and Solas began to gently swing them around the balcony. Oddly exhilarated, Carwyn took charge and increased the speed. Solas smirked at him.</p><p>"You're good for someone who I presume hasn't been to many ballrooms in his life," Carwyn noted. Solas pursed his lips, pressing hard against Carwyn's hand before spiralling them back down to the other side of the balcony.</p><p>"The fade has taught me many things."</p><p>"The spirits taught you how to dance, huh?" Carwyn snorted and yelped when Solas purposefully stepped on his foot. Quick as a whip, Solas spun Carwyn so that he was facing away and pressed up against his back tightly. Carwyn lost all ability to speak for a few seconds. His skin thrummed, breath shallow. </p><p>"The, uh, spirits teach you that one too?" Carwyn squeaked out. Solas leant forward, impossibly close.</p><p>"Not quite." He murmured into Carwyn's ear. This was torture. Solas was a mischievous little fucker. Two could play at that game.</p><p>"I learnt a few things back home, I don't think you would be familiar with them," Carwyn said casually as he deliberately shifted his hips, pushing down. Solas inhaled sharply, hands tightening around Carwyn's arms.</p><p>"Oh, I think I would have some idea," Solas told him, voice a quiet hum. Carwyn's ears pricked, and he hurried to distance himself from Solas. Smoothing down his clothes, Carwyn didn't dare look over. He didn't trust that he wouldn't do something very stupid. </p><p>"Ah, there you two are! We're ready to head off." Josephine informed them cheerfully. </p><p>"Of course, thank you," Solas said calmly. Carwyn admired his ability to act like they hadn't just been pressed up against one another in an embrace. Josephine left, and they were alone again. </p><p>"Best be going," Carwyn said, swallowing hard. He hastily walked over to the doors.</p><p>"Carwyn," Solas said softly, stopping him. Taking a deep breath, Carwyn turned back around. Solas came to stand before him, delicately adjusting the blue sash that had gone slightly askew. Right. Oops. </p><p>"Wouldn't want you looking unpresentable for the lords and ladies of the court." Solas' eyes glinted as he spoke.</p><p>"No, we wouldn't want that..." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Now that Carwyn was no longer stuck in bed, Solas returned to his little office in the rotunda. Perfectly logical, completely sensible. Carwyn hated it. He missed being able to wake up to Solas busy with work, smiling in the half-light of the morning. It was irrational, he knew that Solas couldn't stay forever. And it wasn't as though the rotunda was miles away, quite the opposite. Neither of them had mentioned their strange and intimate moment on the balcony of the winter palace. Carwyn was certain that Solas was doing his best to avoid the topic entirely. It wasn't easy to pretend it didn't hurt. Moping around wouldn't do him any good, they were so close to ridding Thedas of Corypheus and his army. The only thing they could do now is wait for Leliana's spies to give the word from the Arbor Wilds. That could take weeks, they had no way of knowing how far off Corypheus was and when he would near his destination. It was a sort of limbo. Carwyn spent most of this time running around Skyhold, attempting to aid his friends in any possible way he could. He had helped Cassandra find the Seekers, tracked down red lyrium deposits with Varric, dealt with Dorian's family crisis, worked with Cullen and Dagna to weaken Samson's armour, gathered ingredients for Vivienne's potion, and so much more. </p><p>Discovering that "Blackwall" was not who he said he was struck a blow to Carwyn's trust immeasurably. He had not felt anger like this in quite a long time. Upon witnessing the failed execution and having to learn one of his companion's true nature, Carwyn was beside himself. It could be said that this man, this stranger, could be pardoned for his actions due to his service to the Inquisition, but as Carwyn stalked towards Val Royeaux's prison, the only sentence he wanted to pass upon Not-Blackwall was a fist to the face. Talking to the man didn't help calm him, if anything it only made him more bitter. Despite this, Carwyn asked Cullen to arrange a way to remove 'Rainier' from the prison so that he would not be hanged for his crimes. Still too sentimental, after all of these years.</p><p>"That little fucking worm," Carwyn spat out harshly as he left, storming past where Cassandra and Solas were waiting for him.</p><p>"Inquisitor! What did he tell you?" Cassandra asked anxiously, lengthening her strides to match his. Carwyn shook his head, still seething. He saw Solas join him at his other side as they made their way to the golden gates that lead them out of Val Royeaux.</p><p>"It was all self-pity. He wants to die, thinks it's justice. We still need him, what good is he if he's dead?" Carwyn said, voice cutting. When neither of them answered, he felt himself grow more and more incensed. "How am I supposed to get shit done when I can't even trust the people who are supposed to be my <em>friends? </em>" And that was the heart of the problem. Carwyn felt betrayed.</p><p>"What will you do with him?" Solas asked softly. Carwyn turned to respond but paused when he realised Solas was not looking at him. It was almost as though he was looking anywhere <em>but </em>at Carwyn.</p><p>"I don't know yet. I'll see what mood I'm in when I sit on the chair." </p><p>"Is your loyalty so fickle?"</p><p>"My loyalty is unwavering. It's a shame I can't rely on others to give me the same courtesy." Solas went silent, face pained.</p><p>In the end, Carwyn gave Rainier's life to the Wardens. Having time to calm down and evaluate his options, he found that he couldn't bring himself to kill the damn man. A tender heart can be a hindrance as much as a strength. Solas had watched the judgement from the side of the hall, leaning against the stone wall with his arms and legs crossed. He didn't say a word to Carwyn afterwards, only returned to his study with a severe frown. Did he not agree with the sentence? Carwyn wished he had some clue what was going on in Solas' head. </p><p>That evening at dinner, Carwyn was eating with many of his inner circle in the main hall. They often used the tables as a communal dining area, and every night different people joined depending on their schedule. Carwyn didn't hide his surprise well when Solas sat opposite him and felt his stomach flutter at the small smile he received. Clearing his throat hastily, Carwyn went back to trading light-hearted insults with Sera who was on his left. His luck didn't last much longer, as an Inquisition scout approached with a letter clasped in hand.</p><p>"Word for you, Inquisitor." The scout told him and handed him the letter. Carwyn smiled in thanks, turning it over to glance at the wax seal. His heart lurched painfully. Shit. The Trevelyan coat of arms. He was in so much trouble. A letter from his father only meant he was really in for it.</p><p>"Something the matter?" He heard Solas ask, breaking the horrified trance he had been caught in. </p><p>"Let's find out," Carwyn muttered, ripping open the seal. Feeling multiple eyes upon him, he skimmed the words.</p><p>
  <em> Carwyn, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It has come to my attention that, despite your entire family believing it to be so, you did not meet a grisly end as a result of the devastating explosion at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. You can imagine my shock when I was given this news, not from you, but a mere errand boy. To make matters worse, I was then informed that you were now the leader of the so-called "Inquisition". Your mother is inconsolable. How could you think you were remotely appropriate for this role? We didn't raise you to lead, your brother is much more prepared for such an undertaking. Which is why I have sent him to your headquarters. If this letter makes its way to you at the correct time, he should arrive in the morning. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You and I have never seen eye to eye, I realise this, but the least you could have done was let your mother and sister know that you were not charred dust on a temple floor. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Sincerely, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Bann Trevelyan </em>
</p><p>"Ah. Shit." Carwyn said faintly. </p><p>"Did you <em> really </em> not tell your mum that you weren't dead?" Sera said obnoxiously, straining to read the letter over his shoulder. Abruptly, Carwyn stood.</p><p>"Josephine..." He said, voice carefully restrained. Josephine rose from her chair, eyes wide. "I need your help".</p><p>"Of course, we'll go to my office." She let him take her arm and he hurried them across the hall. He let go of her once the door shut behind them, moving to stand by the crackling fireplace. He lifted the hand that still gripped the dreaded letter to his forehead, letting it rest there as he blew out a long breath.</p><p>"Fuck, Josephine!" He said explosively, hearing her squeak in shock. </p><p>"Inquisitor, please, what is it?" Josephine asked, brow creased in worry as she carefully walked towards him. Carwyn waved the letter at her, making a noise of pure frustration.</p><p>"I can't read your mind, you must use your words."</p><p>"Brother, here, tomorrow." Carwyn gritted out and relinquished the letter to her at last. He paced in front of the fire as she read.</p><p>"Oh, Inquisitor, I'm so sorry! I had arranged for someone to visit your family <em>months </em>ago. I don't know how this could have happened!" Josephine's voice shook. Carwyn stopped pacing, suddenly very conscious of how furious he may appear to her.</p><p>"It's not your fault. This long day just got so much fucking longer." He collapsed into the nearby armchair, sighing heavily. Josephine sat down on the sofa beside him, tucking her feet underneath her.</p><p>"It is curious that there was no word sent about any delay. I also didn't have an 'errand boy' give them the news, I asked a travelling dignitary to pop in on his way back home through Ostwick." Josephine told him as she narrowed her eyes in thought. Carwyn felt unease travel up his spine, bubbling up to the surface. </p><p>"I wouldn't put it past my family to pull one over us. My sister is the only one with any sense, but she won't have a word in this. Trust me when I say that it won't be anything good." Carwyn said and pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling an oncoming headache. A hand landed on his arm gently, and he glanced over to see Josephine staring at him with determination.</p><p>"We will deal with this, Inquisitor. Your brother won't walk over us."</p><p>"Oh, Josie. He's been doing that to me for as long as I can remember."</p><p>The next hour or so was spent with Carwyn giving Josephine a very detailed account of his family problems and how most of his relatives were batshit insane. The news seemed to deeply shock Josephine, as she had to take a walk around the room multiple times to gather her wits. There was a reason why Carwyn tried not to ever think about his parents, but it appeared as though they were attempting to shove themselves back into his life. He trusted that Josephine had done her job, he did not trust that his family was telling the truth. </p><p>Carwyn headed up to his chambers, mildly disappointed to see that everyone had left the main hall while he was gone. It was probably for the best, he would need all the sleep he could get for when his brother showed up in the morning. Just thinking about it made Carwyn's head hurt. </p><p>He made a beeline for his desk, shoving his father's letter down onto it with an unamused grunt. Placing two hands down on the table, he let his head hang between his shoulders.</p><p>"Bad news, I take it?" A voice called from a slight distance. Carwyn knocked over an inkpot in alarm.</p><p>"Fuck me! Where did you come from?! How long have you been-" Carwyn stumbled over his words, desperately mopping up the mess seeping into multiple pieces of parchment. Solas stepped forward from where he was resting against the wall by the balcony entrance, coming into the light.</p><p>"I came up here after I had finished my dinner. I decided I would wait for you."</p><p>"Why?" Instead of answering, Solas beckoned Carwyn to him, turning to walk out onto the balcony. Carwyn quickly attempted to rid his hands of ink on a nearby blanket but to no avail. Swearing lowly, he followed Solas into the night.</p><p>"What troubles you?" Solas asked him quietly as Carwyn joined him, looking up at the stars. Rubbing at his tense neck, Carwyn huffed a small sigh. It was <em>freezing</em>.</p><p>"Rhys, my brother. He'll arrive at Skyhold tomorrow."</p><p>"We don't like Rhys, then," Solas said and took Carwyn's hands in between his own, working efficiently. He was warming Carwyn's hands. He didn't seem to mind about the ink. Almost forgetting what he was going to say, Carwyn felt his chest tighten.</p><p>"No, we don't like Rhys..."</p><p>"May I ask why?" Solas lifted Carwyn's hands to his mouth, blowing hot air onto them. Brain short-circuiting, it took Carwyn a few tries to gain his composure. </p><p>"You'll probably find out when you meet him. But for me, it's that he will try and undermine everything I say and do. And that's if he doesn't find a reason to punch me first." Carwyn told him sardonically, making Solas pause. He placed Carwyn's hands against his chest, covering them with his own. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world.</p><p>"In that case, you will be pleased to know that I have finally mastered the pig transformation spell," Solas said very seriously, but the glint in his eye told Carwyn all that he needed to know. On the verge of doing something very ill-advised, Carwyn fell forward so that his forehead landed on Solas' shoulder. He heard Solas' sudden intake of breath, but he didn't care. He just wanted to stay like this for a little while and forget. Their hands fell from their hold on each other and Carwyn wasn't sure who's heartbeat was pulsing faster. Solas slowly tilted his head so that it rested against Carwyn's. On impulse, Carwyn flung his arms around Solas' neck, breathing him in, intoxicated. Solas' arms wrapped around him and <em>squeezed</em>. It was as though he was scared Carwyn might disappear.</p><p>"I'm not sure how I'd cope without you here to keep me sane," Carwyn whispered with a laugh. Solas made a choked noise, burying his face in Carwyn's hair.</p><p>"Don't say that. Please" Solas said, voice ragged. Carwyn tried to pull away, brow furrowing, but Solas clung to him.</p><p>"Why not?" There was no reply. "Solas?" He asked nervously. </p><p>"Let's just enjoy this moment as it is. I wish to remember this feeling." </p><p>"I don't think I could forget," Carwyn said to himself, smiling at Solas' huff of laughter. They stayed like that, the stars as their only witness.</p><p>The morning came with dread. Carwyn woke up alone, unable to muster the courage to ask for Solas to stay last night. He dressed for the day, fastening his buttons more aggressively than usual in an attempt to vent out his anger beforehand. Shutting the door with more force than was needed, Carwyn made his way down to the gates of Skyhold. Rhys should be on time; if there was anything that man valued it was punctuality. To his dismay, Carwyn walked down the steps to see that all of his friends were there waiting for him.</p><p>"What are you guys doing here?" He asked, panicked. Josephine rushed over to him.</p><p>"It was not my idea. They all showed up." Carwyn tutted, glancing around at all of their sheepish faces. </p><p>"Hey now, we're only here for moral support," Varric said from his spot on the grass. Carwyn closed his eyes, breathing in and out slowly. They were about to witness his utter humiliation if they stuck around. He knew they only wanted to help. It was actually quite sweet.</p><p>"Not that I don't appreciate-" </p><p>"Horses incoming!" Shit. Carwyn spun around, staring with mounting anxiety as four horses crossed the bridge. Deep breaths. Head held high, Carwyn waited as the front figure hopped off of their horse. Rhys. His brother stalked towards them, red hair shining in the sun. Carwyn opened his mouth to speak but halted when Rhys slipped his riding gloves off and shoved them at his chest.</p><p>"Make yourself useful, Wynny, and come help me with my horse." Swallowing down his annoyance at the familiar nickname, Carwyn stuffed the gloves into his trouser pocket. Before he could even begin to move, Rhys' hand shot out and grabbed him by the jaw.</p><p>"You still have this ghastly beard? I thought I told you to shave it." Rhys said as he man-handled Carwyn.</p><p>"I happen to like my beard, Rhys," Carwyn said through clenched teeth, feeling Rhys' grip tighten painfully. </p><p>"You're a Trevelyan, boy. It's high time you acted like it." Rhys told him with a sneer, roughly releasing him. Flushing in mortification as he realised everyone was watching this unfold, Carwyn hastened to lead Rhys away from his companions. His brother had other plans.</p><p>"Now, what's the rush? Are these your <em>friends? </em>" He asked sarcastically, surveying the group with a raised eyebrow. Carwyn glared at him, crossing his arms defensively. Rhys' gaze held on Sera and Solas a little too long.</p><p>"Such company you keep, Wynny. What would father say?"</p><p>"Father isn't here," Carwyn said, dangerously quiet. Rhys faced him, hazel eyes meeting green.</p><p>"But I am." The atmosphere went cold as they glowered at each other. Josephine cleared her throat delicately.</p><p>"Lord Trevelyan," She faltered when both Carwyn and Rhys looked at her expectantly. "Perhaps this conversation could be continued at the castle?"</p><p>"Excellent idea, darling," Rhys said with a charming smile. Carwyn's smile. Josephine's expression showed no emotion, so Rhys looked for a new target. He clicked his fingers at Solas. "You. Put my horse in the stable." Solas only stared at him, unmoving. Carwyn could barely contain his rage.</p><p>"Fuck off, Rhys. He isn't a servant." Carwyn snapped and his hands curled into fists. Rhys made a show of looking around.</p><p>"Oh wow, I don't think I fucking <em> asked</em>, Wynny," To add insult, he smacked Carwyn upside the head sharply.</p><p>"Leave him alone, you absolute knobhead." Sera bit out savagely. Rhys threw his head back in laughter.</p><p>"Calm down, little miss, why don't you go build a mud hut, or whatever it is your people do in their spare time." Carwyn's vision went red, hand whipping backwards ready to strike, but hesitated at the satisfied look on Rhys' face. </p><p>"You're doing this on purpose," Carwyn said in disbelief. Rhys tilted his head, smirking. Carwyn was so infuriated that he was shaking with it. Hauling Rhys by the arm, he took them up the stairs towards the main castle.</p><p>"Excuse me, my horse-" Rhys began to complain, but Carwyn abruptly cut him off.</p><p>"Your horse will be fine. Keep talking, and it will be the least of your worries."</p><p>Nobody followed them as Carwyn dragged Rhys through the main hall towards the privacy of his rooms. What a picture the two of them must make. </p><p>"In," Carwyn ordered as he pushed Rhys into the doorway. It may have been the first time Carwyn had used a commanding tone with his older brother, and it was concerning that he was getting away with it. What was Rhys playing at?</p><p>"Why did father send you here?" Carwyn asked warily and watched Rhys survey his bedroom. Rather than respond, Rhys moved straight towards Carwyn's alcohol cabinet in the far corner of the room. He acquired a large bottle of brandy that Carwyn saved for particularly troubling noble visitors. It could be said that this was one of those times.</p><p>"He told you in his letter, did he not?" Rhys said absentmindedly, unscrewing the bottle with practised ease. Carwyn blew out a harsh breath, willing his temper to stay in check. It was difficult. </p><p>"That letter was complete and utter horseshit. We both know it. So let's stop dancing around and you can tell me what's really going on." </p><p>"Wynny," Rhys sighed loudly as he poured himself a glass, and Carwyn took note of the slight shake in his hand. "Our family has reached a snag of sorts." </p><p>"A snag of sorts?" </p><p>"Rhianon ran away," Rhys told him bluntly before taking a large gulp of brandy. Carwyn stared at him, uncomprehending. He tried to appear as though he was truly surprised. Rhianon was always a free spirit, and she had often spoken of leaving Ostwick with Carwyn when they were children. But this did not mean he was not worried about her. She grew up in comfort and with little to no hardships. Out in the world, Carwyn feared she may not endure.</p><p>"Do you know if she's safe?" Rhys scoffed at the question, taking yet another sip from his glass. Carwyn frowned but refrained from commenting. That was an age-old argument he would rather not step into if he could help it.</p><p>"I'm sure she is very comfortable with that little harlot of a best friend she has boarded with." </p><p>"She's with Irene? Well, then there is nothing to worry about." Carwyn laughed delightedly at the news. Rhianon and Irene, best of friends, indeed. Rhys' face soured at his amusement.</p><p>"Do you ever listen? In all the years that father and I have taught you, yet you still seem to forget. Reputation is the foundation of our family name. That is why father lied in his letter to you. If it were to be intercepted with the truth inside, it affects our standing. That girl has no regard for anything but her own happiness. She had a role to play, as we all do, and she turned her back on us. For what? A ditsy blonde with her head in the clouds and nothing to her name?" Carwyn listened to his brother rant and rave madly, the drink already going straight to his head. Clearly, it was not his first.</p><p>"What do you want me to do about it?" Carwyn asked with a roll of his eyes. He quickly snatched the bottle of brandy from where it sat on his desk before Rhys could reach for it to refill his glass. </p><p>"I need that," Rhys said venomously, attempting to grab the neck of the bottle from behind Carwyn.</p><p>"I'd rather discuss this while you can still talk in complete sentences," Carwyn said dryly. It would seem that this argument would have to be had after all. </p><p>"Don't test me, boy." Rhys spat out, his face growing a putrid red in his anger. A white-hot stab of resentment coursed through Carwyn's body, seizing hold of him. </p><p>"I'm not a boy anymore, Rhys. I'll ask again; what do you want <em> me </em> to do about it?" They regarded each other, the hostility so potent that Carwyn feared he may choke on it.</p><p>"You are the Inquisitor. Your power grows every hour. Father wishes you to do whatever you can to bring Rhianon home." </p><p>"No," Carwyn said firmly and stood tall, ignoring his erratic heartbeat. Rhys seemed to malfunction. His jaw twitched as his breath became shallow. Carwyn flinched back as a hand darted out to grasp his collar and yanked him forward so that he could smell the foul stench of alcohol on his brother's tongue. He carefully clenched his fingers around the bottle that was at his back.</p><p>"You always were a disobedient little shit," Rhys said and shook Carwyn by the grip he had on his shirt. Fuelled by spite and bitterness, Carwyn swung the bottle with such force that when it came into contact with Rhys' head, it shattered. Carwyn stumbled away as Rhys cried out in shock and pain. Blood and brandy dripped onto the stone floor, and Rhys swayed unsteadily. He flung an arm out blindly, fist connecting with Carwyn's face with a sickening crunch. Cheek throbbing and fury ignited, Carwyn grabbed the chair at his desk and raised it above his head, ready to strike. The door banged open, revealing Josephine and Cullen with a few dozen Inquisition soldiers crowded behind them in the hallway. Carwyn was frozen in place. How to explain this...</p><p>"He punched me." He blurted out. Rhys groaned from his position on the floor. Realising he was still holding the chair, Carwyn gingerly laid it back down onto the ground. </p><p>"You smashed a bottle over my head!" Rhys said indignantly, struggling to stand. </p><p>"Yes, after you lifted me with my collar like a rag doll!"</p><p>"Because you-"</p><p>"Boys!" Josephine yelled over them, voice sharp. They both fell silent. The Inquisition soldiers had gone, leaving only Josephine and Cullen. </p><p>"You've said your piece, now get out," Carwyn demanded as he turned to Rhys.</p><p>"I can barely stand and you expect me to ride back home?" Rhys slurred, wiping a hand through his soaked hair. Carwyn eyed him for a brief moment, swallowing down his guilt. </p><p>"Take a carriage from the stables. My men will make sure you get back safely." Rhys looked at him, face blank. He limped past Carwyn and stopped abruptly.</p><p>"Don't even think about coming back to Ostwick. We rid our hands of you." With those parting words, Rhys walked out. Carwyn chuckled to himself, slightly frenzied. He had really done it this time. No going back now.</p><p>"I'm sorry you had to see that." Was all Carwyn said to Josephine and Cullen before he slumped down onto his bed, cradling his aching cheek. They said nothing, but shared a discreet glance as they left his chambers. No more than five minutes later, Solas entered with a harried look on his face. </p><p>"You're hurt." He said immediately upon seeing Carwyn, kneeling at his feet. </p><p>"It was just a punch, I'll be fine," Carwyn told him softly. Solas observed him hesitantly, no doubt unused to this reserved manner. </p><p>"But you are still hurt. Perhaps not physically." Carwyn shuddered out a breath and closed his eyes in an attempt to collect himself. Solas lifted a thumb to gently sweep across his bruised cheek. The touch left his skin tingling. </p><p>"I shouldn't have smashed a bottle over his head," Carwyn said reluctantly. Solas blinked at him, taken aback. </p><p>"You smashed-" Solas stopped himself, appearing to think better of it. Carwyn snorted and smiled ruefully. </p><p>"Not my finest moment."</p><p>"I disagree." </p><p>"I know-" Carwyn began to say but paused as he processed Solas' words. "Excuse me, what?" </p><p>"That man was a pig. It is a shame I didn't get a chance to do good on my word of turning him into one." Carwyn was filled with the overwhelming desire to do <em> something  </em>as affection stirred deep within him, warm and slow. He didn't want to analyse how bad of an idea it was. His mind won out in the end. Hoisting Solas up by his shoulders, Carwyn wrapped his arms around his middle. Resting the side of his face against Solas' stomach, Carwyn found that he did not want to let go. It wasn't what he intended from his impulses, but this was safe and it would have to do. He felt Solas run a hand through his hair, feather-light.</p><p>"You seem too good to be true," Carwyn said, voice muffled by the soft fabric in front of him. Solas bent down, pressing his mouth to Carwyn's forehead. Just the feeling of Solas' lips on his skin electrified his very being. </p><p>"Vhenan..." Solas whispered it like a secret. As though he wished for the word to seep into Carwyn's bones, sacred and intimate.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>